That’s Right Nate

I just wanted to let everybody know that I’ll be live blogging Obama’s speech tonight at 8PM Eastern time tonight.  I have a toothache and I’ve been alternating vicodin and bourbon which is helping, but I am in no mood for any Obama fish oil salesmanship.  I have no doubt that if he was still in power, Bush would have ended the recession by now.  He was that good.

Tom Brokaw penned the term “the greatest generation” to refer to those Americans who grew up in the Great Depression and went on to fight in World War II, as well as those who made their contributions on the home front.  These were pretty impressive people right?  Not according to the Democrats.   President  Obama said that another Great Depression such as the on that produced the Greatest Generation would be a “national catastrophe”.  This irresponsible fear mongering is designed to get Americans so scared of a Great Depression that they would be more concerned with finding food, clothing, and shelter than with the size of their government.

Fortunately, Senator John Kyl (R-AZ) has emerged as a voice of reason in the congress.  Decrying the Democratic fear mongering that looks at inactivity as a bad thing, Kyl has called Obama out for “casually throwing out some careless language.”  Words like unemployment, homelessness, starvation, and poverty panic people and take their minds off the good things that are going on in the country right now.  Ask yourself, what these things have in common (Babe Ruth, Jack Dempsey, Gone With The Wind, The Wizard of Oz, Jazz, Superman, The Marx Brothers, Bing Crosby).   Give up?   They’re all part of the culture of The Great Depression.  “If it’s true that adversity and hardship can bring out creativity,” said Miles Orvell, professor of English and American studies at Temple University, “then the Great Depression was one of the great creative periods of our time.”

So before you Democrats decide to panic everybody by bringing up how much trouble they will have buying their next meal, maybe you ought to remind them just how much of our American character was forged out of this time.  We need the American people to remember, Depressions can be fun.  The most important thing is reducing the size of government–food, medical care, stuff like that has a way of taking care of itself.

I believe what everybody in this country wants right now is a stimulus package that is so badly designed and bloated with ridiculous earmarks that Republicans and Democrats can join together to vote against it. I’ve seen the videos of Republicans reaching out to Democrats this past week trying to get them to join us in our condemnation of the Obama plan. I applaud them for putting statesmanship over politics.

Unfortunately, the Democrats refuse to budge. During the vote in the House very few of them were willing to join us in unity by voting against Obama’s bill. Now that it has reached the Senate it feels like the problem has grown bigger. It is important that we do not let the truly awful be the enemy of the merely objectionable. We have done a great job opposing Obama on this. It is important that in arguing for more tax cuts that we do not cave in and agree to pass this bill. If we can’t get the Democrats to go along with us, we will have to stand alone in vilifying Obama’s stimulus plan. Let’s not let our desire to have Democrats condemn the bill with us lead us to a compromise.

Representative Pete Sessions of Texas

Representative Pete Sessions (R-TX) is a very good man.  I think he’s one of the people who best knows how we can retake Congress and the White House because he is both a brilliant politician and a splendid tactician.  Yesterday, Sessions said “Insurgency, we understand perhaps a little bit more because of the Taliban and that is that they went about systematically understanding how to disrupt and change a person’s entire processes. And these Taliban…I’m saying an example of how you go about [sic] is to change a person from their messaging to their operations to their frontline message. And we need to understand that insurgency may be required when the other side, the House leadership, does not follow the same commands, which we entered the game with.”

This is indeed a brilliant strategy, but before we begin to wire college Republicans with suicide belts and send them into feminist poetry readings, we should instead reimagine ourselves as sexual predators.  Now, before people jump all over me I’m not saying we should be sexual predators, merely that we should act like sexual predators.  I found a list of the traits of sexual predators from no less a respected expert than Dr. Phil.  I believe this should be our playbook going forward:

1. Refusal to take responsibility for actions and blames others or circumstances for failures- After the last 8 years, we definitely need to work hard at this one.  Remember, it is the Obama Recession.  Remember it is Obama’s disastrous foreign policy that is failing us.

2. A sense of entitlement – This is going to be easier than I thought.  We all have this in spades.  That’s why we’re Republicans in the first place.

3. Need for power and control – Three for three!

4. Lack of Empathy – This is going to be tough for us, but we can do it.  I remember when Hurrican Katrina hit, I was so moved that like a lot of other Republicans I almost donated blood.  The Heritage Foundation makes an excellent start for us here.

5. Inability to form intimate relationships with adults- We have that one covered too.

Now, knowing that our grand old party has a lot in common with these wretched creeps and lowlifes we can see exactly what our path to the future must be.  We must look at the American people in the eye and smile at them as we keep up a facade of helpfulness and respectability.  Only by doing this can we gain their trust and thus gain the White House.  Behind closed doors we can exchange our conservative philosophies all the while keeping a respectful front.

Of course, if this doesn’t work I’m ready to try taking us in the Taliban direction instead.   Maybe, what we need to do is be like the Nazis and use a lighting war approach to destroy the Democrats before they know what hit them.  In any event, if we go the Taliban route, I can’t think of anybody I’d rather have for my Mullah than Pete Sessions.

Long time readers of this blog will remember Tom the Bartender from when the two of us discussed the election back in November.  Tom is what they call a man’s man.  He’s a throwback to an earlier time.  Life behind the bar has taught him a lot about life.  He’s had his share of ups and downs and knows how a woman can get a bit tipsy around closing time and pick up a bartender just to take him back to her place and stick with him a couple of years just so she can ride high on the child support gravy train.  Oh yeah, Tommy’s got some war stories.  He’s also a great judge of character, a trait that probably comes from seeing people stewing in their own vomit night in and night out.

“Heya Tommy!” I said as I took my customary stool at the end of the bar.

“Nate, it sure is good to see you,” he smiled as he poured me a draft, “business hasn’t been good”

“Really Tommy? I thought bars were recession proof,” I asked.

“Don’t I wish.  That Obama has messed up this economy and he’s only been President for like a week,” he grumbled.

“Its been 3 weeks Tom,” I corrected him.

“Geez, can’t we impeach him or something.  Did you hear what he said about my boy Rush?” he asked.

“He said people shouldn’t listen to Limbaugh.  I heard that.  Way to stand up for the 1st amendment Mr. President,” I agreed.

“He’s still sore that Limbaugh called him out on calling himself black a few years back,” chided Tom.

“He did?” I asked, “what did he say?”

Tom arched his brow deep in thought and replied, “He said Obama didn’t want to be black and should  just renounce being black and declare himself white.”

“Yeah,” I responded, “You’ve got to admit there are a lot of advantages in this country to not being white.”

“Tell me about it,” said Tom, “We’ve always got to be so politically correct.  Don’t get me wrong.  Rush and I have nothing against having a black President.  We just want him to be a miserable failure.”

“Yeah, I’ve been praying for the same thing, but I don’t think that’s racist.  I think its just being a patriot,” I agreed.

“And that’s one thing you are Nate.  Have the next one on me,” he said pouring me another draft.  “You know that stimulus package Obama is pushing is a load of crap and Rush is right to call him out on it.  All of our money is going to go to the unemployed and people without medical coverage.  How does that help me?  Those people don’t know how to manage their money.  That’s why their poor.  Give tax cuts to business and they’ll put those people to work.”

“That makes sense to me Tom.  When I’m doing well, I’m a big tipper,” I said.

“I don’t know about that, but you can bet I’m not getting huge tips from poor people.  They’re all concerned with feeding their family and paying for heat and stuff like that,” he said, “This stuff is all Keyesian Economics.   Don’t get me wrong, I like Alan Keyes, but he doesn’t know anything about economics.”

“So what does Rush want to do about the economy?” I asked.

“Well Rush says that since 46% of the country voted for John McCain, Rush should get to determine how to spend 46% of the stimulus package,” said Tom wiping down the bar.

“I read that in the Wall Street Journal,” I agreed, “I couldn’t believe he was willing to give him more than half.  I think Limbaugh really is very generous.”

“He’s a prince.  You know my wife’s uncle was one of his doctors.  He says Rush is a great guy.  You remember in 1994 when he pushed the Republican congress to shut down the government instead of compromising with Clinton,” He asked.

“Do I ever.  Those were some days,” I said.

“I think we can shut it down even longer this time.   You know you just have to have hope Nate,” said Tom.

“You sure Tommy.  You sure do,” I agreed and sipped my beer.

Wow!! You guys sure didn’t make it easy for me.  I know that no other blog could possibly compare with mine, but I expected at least a smattering of mentions.  There must be some other blogs you read if only to laugh at them and compare them to mine.   With that in mind, I decided to make a real effort to find the other blogs out there that were small and worthy of a greater audience.  Doing so, I ran into a huge problem and that was it is much easier to find big blogs than small blogs.  I don’t think Talking Points Memo really needs more help finding an audience from me.  Anyway, here are 5 blogs that aren’t on my blog roll and deserve to be seen by more people.  I still would appreciate if anybody can mention any small blogs that I should be checking out if only to crush potential competitors in a hostile takeover.

1. Jenny Sais Quois – Subtitled a quarter life in crisis, she’s 27 and this isn’t one of those angst ridden diaries of a 20 something which I have little patience for outside of the movie Lost in Translation.  The blog hasn’t been updated frequently, but I enjoyed a couple of her posts quite a bit.

2. My Empire of Dirt – I first found this blog over Summer when he was blogging about my favorite topic–me.  He has a substantial blog about Canadian and even American politics. It really has grown a lot since I found it over summer.

3. My Apologies – If my blog is consuming most of your reading time, this blog’s entries are short and sweet even if they tend to be liberal and terribly misguided.  It is a great source for pictures of conservatives though.

4. Just an Earthbound Misfit – OK, I think this blog may be bigger than mine.  The author is certainly more prolific, but I enjoyed it quite a bit and wanted to include them because I don’t think they’re mammoth or anything.

5. Zen Yenta 2.0 – This woman has been a presence on the web for awhile now, but she’s back with a new blog.  She was the first person to discover this blog and for that I will always be grateful.  Her support kept me going when I thought I was the only person reading it.  She’s also a witty and articulate blogger and a person of exceptional taste.

Please check out these other blogs.  I will be adding them all to my blog roll sometime this week.   I hope everybody had a wonderful Blogroll Amnesty Day.

Nate

The movie Groundhog Day further secularized this special day.

Reposted with permission:

Like many people this season I enjoyed the heartwarming story of how Christianity’s message was spread using the Christmas Carrol The Twelve Days of Christmas.  There are a lot of seemingly secular holidays and traditions in our society that have a Christian tradition behind them.  In the middle ages Christians throughout Europe were persecuted and in many countries the teaching of Christian doctrine was forbidden.  The Christians of the time being men and women of good faith looked for a way to pass the story of Christ’s resurrection down to their children.

The day which the Europeans called Candlemas Day was full of symbolism.  For those of you that need a refresher, on February 2nd the groundhog comes out of his burrow and looks around.  If he sees his shadow there will be 6 more weeks of winter.  If not there will be an early Spring.  This story was used to teach children of how Christ exited the tomb after 40 days.  Those 40 days are represented by the 6 weeks.  The shadow represents the shadow of sin.  Of course Spring represents the new life that Jesus calls us all to.

I suppose the obvious question is why a groundhog?  The groundhog was chosen because the European groundhog is considered a noble animal and the combination of white and gray fur can sometimes give the appearance of a robe like Jesus’s burial robes.  Also, the early Christians needed an animal that hibernated and the only two animals native to Europe that hibernate are the bear and the groundhog and you sure wouldn’t want to be waking up a bear for this.

For many centuries, European Christians used this holiday on February 2nd to keep their faith alive in the face of great persecution.  When the earliest settlers came to Pennsylvania they brought Candlemas with them.  Unfortunately, much like in our own times there was a battle over Candlemas between those for whom it was a sacred religious holiday and those who wanted to call it Groundhog Day and remove all religious significance from the day.  Sadly, Groundhog Day won that war and much of Candlemas’s religious significance was lost.   My goal is this year to remind everybody of the religious significance of Candlemas.

[On his special day please take a moment to thank the noble groundhog for how he kept our Christian tradition alive through centuries of persecution in Europe.  With the secular forces taking the religions out of so many of our holidays, maybe we can put the religion back into this one.  Please pass this on to any Christian friends who await the eternal light in this bleak and dreary time]

I’ve been relatively quiet until now about the stimulus package that the Democrats managed to ram through the House of Representatives last week, but if I had to sum up my thoughts in one word that word would be bribery.   What Obama attempts to do is use big government to give lower income people tax refunds even if they don’t pay income tax and only pay payroll taxes.  Has the world turned upside down?  How can somebody who pays no income taxes get a tax refund?  How indeed.

What Obama is tempting to do in the name of economic recovery is to bribe the working poor to become lifelong Democrats by giving them this government hand out.  What makes this plan so diabolical is that I believe the Republicans are very close to making inroads into that voting block if we can just convince them that our conservative moral values are best for the country.  When Republicans give tax cuts we give them to the rich.  The people we give tax cuts to are used to money.  They would never let a tax cut cloud their judgement.  The same cannot be said about the working poor.

The average tax rate paid by the richest 400 Americans fell by a third to 17.2 percent through the first six years of the Bush administration and their average income doubled to $263.3 million, new IRS data show.   Despite this Obama still won the last election.  Do you really believe the richest 400 Americans are going to see nearly that kind of increase with Obama using government to bribe the poor people?

A really insidious government bribery attempt would not stop at the poor and Obama doesn’t.  The stimulus package will spend $100 billion dollars widening the safety net for the unemployed and those without income to acquire health care.  Why would Obama do such a thing?  Obviously, to bribe the sick.  Obama’s plan will lead to an army of the infirmed and diseased shuffling down the streets to vote like some zombie onslaught in a cheesey horror film.

In short, we must not let this stand.  If Obama get this stimulus package signed it will convince a generation of poor and sick that the Democrats care about them and Republicans don’t.  As people who know this isn’t true, it is our obligation to get out there and let people know just what Obama is trying to do.  The American people are not stupid and they will not fall for this transparent bribery attempt.

President Bush would have been an excellent football player

This year’s Super Bowl features two really disappointing teams. Last year we had a team with an American name like the Patriots and an imposing name like the Giants. This year we have one team whose mascot needs protect from a massive labor union and another team whose mascot needs protection from PETA. I have a very scientific method for predicting Super Bowl games and deciding who to root for. This involves two charts. One of the charts uses the team’s city and the other one uses the team’s mascot to determine the better team.

Cities

1. Houston – You don’t get much more of a red city than Houston
2. Dallas – Republican city with a team that believes in capitalism
3. Jacksonville -The best part of Florida
4. Tennessee – Didn’t even vote for Gore in 2000
5. Miami – Cuban community is solidly Republican
6. Arizona – Home of John McCain
7. Carolina – I’m still mad at them for Libby Dole or it’d be higher
8. Chicago – Democrat city, but Daley, Duncan, and I make up for it
9. Buffalo – The good part of New York
10. Cincinnati – In honor of the fine Taft family
11. Cleveland – Not a big fan of the city, but better than what’s after it
12. San Diego – Large military bases give city an edge
13. Atlanta – Another solidly red state, but a blue city
14. St. Louis – Supported McCain and Bush
15. Tampa Bay – Most liberal part of Florida
16. Washington – For every Obama living here there’s a David Vitter
17. Philadelphia – Big points for birthplace of Declaration of Independence – Take that Britain!
18. Green Bay – They love their guns
19. Minnesota – Good Lutheran folk would be higher if they had come out for Coleman
20. Pittsburgh – Union city, blech.
21. Denver – Liberal bastion in red state
22. Baltimore – Another liberal city in a good state
23. Kansas City – Run by liberal machine for many years
24. Oakland – At least it isn’t San Francisco
25. Indianapolis – Only blue part of red state
26. Seattle – Coffee sipping liberals
27. New York – This is for both the Giants and Jets
28. Detroit – Union city for people without jobs
29. New Orleans – Ungrateful city ignored all that W. did for them.
30. San Francisco – Next time you name a movie milk, you might want to mention that it has nothing to do with dairy products.
31. New England – Massachusetts liberals

Mascots
1. Patriots – Today, we are all patriots
2. Texans – They built this country or at least their 2% of it.
3. Bills – Named after a man who helped wipe out a whole species. Make no mistake about it, if they could have the buffalo would have wiped us out.
4. Cowboys – They won the West for us
5. Chargers – Original owners were a credit card company–go capitalism!
6. Eagles – A proud patriotic bird
7. Red Skins – You have to give them big points for not giving into PC pressure
8. 49ers – The 49ers bought lots of supplies after huge markup–another great capitalism symbol of trickle down economics
9. Vikings – A proud warrior race
10. Chiefs – Not as good as Red Skins, but still savage
11. Titans – They were the original gods. If they had beat Zeus back in the first Super Bowl they’d be ranked higher
12. Giants – Almost as impressive as Titans
13. Browns – Wow! And I thought the Red Skins had guts for being politically incorrect
14. Jets – The Jets showed the Sharks a things or two about illegal immigration back in the day
15. Bears – A ferocious predator
16. Lions – King of the jungle
17. Bengals – A fierce cat
18. Jaguars – Another fierce cat
19. Panthers – OK, enough with the fierce cats
20. Falcons – A predatory bird
21. Rams – A goat, but a tough goat
22. Raiders – A politically correct way of saying pirate
23. Buccaneers – Same as Raiders
24. Colts – Change the logo to a colt .45 and they soar up the rankings
25. Broncos – Cowboys road Broncos so they’re kind of cool
26. Ravens – A bird, wow
27. Seahawks – An even wimpier bird
28. Steelers – Union agitators
29. Packers – Even worse union agitators
30. Cardinals – Bird needing PETA protection
31. Dolphins – The animal that jacks up the price of tuna melts
32. Saints – Way too papist

Now, to get a point spread we simply add the team’s scores from the two charts. The Arizona Cardinals 6 (City) + 30 (Mascot) = 36. The Pittsburgh Steelers 20 (City) + 28 (Mascot) = 48. This leads us to our final winner Cardinals by 12. Let’s call the final score Arizona 26, Pittsburgh 14.