That’s Right Nate

As regular readers of my blog know, I am a huge collector of Precious Moments figurines.  The ones that I truly appreciate are the rare limited edition ones.  This week, I immediately bought 6 copies of Our Love is the Bridge to Happiness.  Normally, I would only buy one for the empty spot on top of my mantle, but this particular figurine is a limited edition.  Because it is rare it is seen as a status symbol.   That’s why whenever I am flirting with a woman I never fail to mention to her about all the rare precious moment figurines I have.   Hopefully, this will one day lead to an opportunity to show that woman the figurines for herself.

Just like Precious Moments, The Republican Party has made a move in the right direction by becoming rarer itself.  We have now become an elite party.  When there were all sorts of moderates running around like Arlen Specter or Gerald Ford anybody could be a Republican.   Now, it takes strict adherence to very rigid principles that most people in public office could never do–either their empathy or their intellect would get in the way.  That is why even though we are leaner, we are now more powerful than ever.  Everybody now knows, if you’re a Republican you are elite.

Soon, people will reallize what an elite brand we are and when that happens we will be in great demand like any limited supply.  This will help us in elections because while not everybody can own a Ferrari, that won’t stop ordinary people from wanting to.   Voting Republican will be a new status symbol.  As an added bonus, we have a very unified message.   When we were larger, nearly half the party thought Bush was taking the country in the wrong direction.  Now that that half of the party is gone, I’d wager that all the remaining Republicans approve of the job Bush did or see him as too liberal.  It is much easier to stay unified and on message with a smaller group.   The moderate purge must continue until we become even more elite.  Only then can we really lead.

7:02 – Fox is airing Lie to Me Instead.   Nobody gets Irony like Fox

7:03 – Did Obama really just tell those lazy goldbrick employees of mine to stay home when they’re sick?

7:04 – I’m sorry, but building an economy on maxed out credit cards is the American way.

7:06 – Yeah we get it.  You can pronounce nuclear correctly.  Big deal.

7:07 – Rewarding drive and innovation sounds like Obama code for socialism

7:11 – Obama is actually taking credit for having drugs on the Mexican border.  That’s like taking credit for having ice in Alaska

7:15 – Two word solution to Detroit’s problems — Monster Trucks!!

7:18 – OMG! Obama just admitted he wanted our cities to be bombed to smithereens

7:23 – It occurs to me we could combine the waterboarding with hand washing and protect ourselves from both terrorism and swine flu

7:25 – As far as I’m concerned Obama is just the opening act. I’m setting my DVR for the minute Governor Jindahl comes on screen for his response.

7:26 – Why is he asking Obama if we could secure Pakistan’s nuclear arsenal? This sounds like something to ask Tom Clancy

7:29 – CBS wins for best hair

7:30 – With the Democrats controlling the Presidency, they’re already able to ride roughshod over the Executive Branch. Where is the balance there?

7:37 – How can Notre Dame have a speaker who agree with the Warren (graduation speaker 1957) court on abortion? Except for Condi anyway.

7:38 – Did I miss something or did Facebook send a reporter to this thing?

7:43 – Yes President Obama if you could be a tree, an animal, a super hero, and a member of the Beatles? Which would you be? As a followup if you forward your answers to 10 friends in the next 10 minutes you will have an important policy initiative pass this week.

7:54 – We should drop Chryslers on al-qaeda and kill two birds with one stone

7:58 – “Rising up to the challenge of our rivals.  And the last known surivivor stalks his prey in the night  And his fortune must always be Eye of the Tiger,” Survivor.

8:00 – What the heck?  Where’s Bobby Jindahl?

Today, Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter became a Democrat.   Actually, that’s not quite right.   In my mind he always was a Democrat.  Specter, who voted for Obama’s bloated stimulus package, has time and again failed to live up to the values that make our party great—discipline and the ability to vote no to stuff that Obama proposes.  He had no right to leave the party just because we were trying to get a more conservative politician to run against him in the Republican primary.  The people of Pennsylvania voted for a Republican Senator and that’s what they deserve.   The good news is we have managed to purge our party of all but two disenting voices—The Laverne and Shirley of the Capitol Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins of Maine.

Now personally this may be good for Specter.   He probably gains a chance to return to Washington for another term, but what does he lose?   To answer that, I composed a list of those things that any good Republican would miss about the GOP:

10. Rush Limbaugh’s producer’s voice mail number

9. Michael Steele’s Def Conservative Poetry on C-Span 8

8. David Vitter’s porn collection

7. Immunity from Michelle Bachman’s “He’s probably a Muslim” list

6. Senate Tea Bagging Parties (Wow that never gets old)

5. Weekly Shirts vs. Skins basketball games

4. Being on the same side as Joe Lieberman I think.  Wait, no actually hmm yeah.   I think that they’re on opposite sides. I can’t keep track.

3. Making up fake notes from John McCain to pass to Lindsey Graham

2. Hiding Jim Bunning’s briefcase and pretending to help him look for it.

1. Invitations to Rupert Murdoch’s September 19th Talk Like a Pirate Day Party

The Republicans will survive.  We will remain a big tent party because of all the people who are economic policies now have living with their families in big tents.  Mister Specter on the other hand, let’s just say its his loss.

I recently saw a poll that showed that the Republican Party was trailing Venezuela in popularity and barely ahead of Cuba.  While 42% of the American public looks at Venezuela favorably and Cuba is at 38%, our own Republican party is only at 39%.  This is apalling to me.  How can anybody favor people who commit human rights abuses on a routine basis over democratically elected leaders is beyond me.  I’ve come to reallize that if the Republicans are going to rebound we have to toot are own horn.   You’ll never find leftist mainstream media like CNN and Fox News doing it for us.

We accept that we are the minority party right now.  There was nothing we could do to stop Obama’s massive stimulus from going through, but when we saw wasteful spending we zeroed in on it and pointed it out to the American people.   Do you remember when the Dumbocrats (Pet name) wanted to waste money on Governor Bobby Jindahl of Lousiana correctly pointed out, “Instead of monitoring volcanoes, what Congress should be monitoring is the eruption of spending in Washington.”

Did the Democrats gratefully acquiesce?  No, of course not.   They rammed the bloated stimulus through and then had the nerve to do an I told you so when a volcano just happened to flare up in Alaska.   I don’t see how anybody could possibly have seen that coming.  How were we supposed to know?

The Democrats porkulus bill also contained a huge expenditure for something called pandemic preparedness.   When I don’t know what something is, I know its waste.   It sounds like an epidemic of pandas.  I for one would love to see more pandas.  Senator Susan Collins (R-ME) managed to cut $780,000,000 in pandemic preparedness from the stimulus bill.  I couldn’t find out what it was, but I can see in a Wall Street Journal opinion piece, Karl Rove called $2 billion for the National Institutes of Health, $462 million for the Centers for Disease Control, and $900 million for pandemic flu preparations wasteful spending.   Maybe it has to do with pandas getting the flu.

The point is only one part is standing up for the little guy when the Democrats want volano research or flu preparedness or renwable sources of income and that’s us.  Remember this in 2010, we’re your best hope at financial sanity.

I think this is exactly what Michael Steele was talking about.   We need a Republican to do this sort of thing and we can reach out to a whole new audience.  Their website is located here.

I wish to apologize for yesterday’s article A Patriot Speaks About the Teabag Movement.  As it turns out, the “patriot” whose comments I posted was Timothy McVeigh who later blew up the the Federal Building in Oklahoma City.  This was a mistake on my part.  I trusted friends of mine who told me they found it on the web and that I might want to post it.  They never told me that it was what a domestic terrorist said, so naturally I believed it to be the sentiments of a true patriot.  As you know, there is no connection whatsoever between conservative politics and domestic terrorism.

I hope this in no way damages my credibility with you.   We’ve had this blog for over a year now and mistakes are bound to happen.  I never claimed to be perfect.  However, when I have made an error I have always apologized.  When I posted the details of the Keating Five scandal mistakenly believing it was Obama and Rezko I quickly made amends. Likewise, when I accidentally printed Nazi propaganda while rallying against poor people having children I admitted it.  I took full responsibility for my article that mistakenly claimed Obama had his own flag and demanded that Obama do the same.

In the event that I do make another mistake, you can be sure I’ll retract it.  I think that says more about my qualities as a journalist than any mistakes I make ever could.   I can assure you that all the other articles on my blog are mostly true.

The great Jonathan Coulton with his ode to Spring.

A friend of mine sent me this email from a Republican who is sick of what’s going on in this country.  I think a lot of us, regardless of political party will agree.  This is the kind of voice the mainstream media should be carrying when they talk about the teabag movement.  I asked my friend to send me some contact information so we may have a potential interview coming up.

The government is afraid of the guns people have because they have to have control of the people at all times. Once you take away the guns, you can do anything to the people. You give them an inch and they take a mile. I believe we are slowly turning into a socialist government. The government is continually growing bigger and more powerful, and the people need to prepare to defend themselves against government control.

Taxes are a joke. Regardless of what a political candidate “promises,” they will increase. More taxes are always the answer to government mismanagement. They mess up. We suffer. Taxes are reaching cataclysmic levels, with no slowdown in sight. Go ahead, take everything I own; take my dignity. Feel good as you grow fat and rich at my expense; sucking my tax dollars and property, tax dollars which justify your existence and pay your federal salary. Do you get it? By doing your evil job, you put me out of work. All you tyrannical mother fuckers will swing in the wind one day for your treasonous actions against the Constitution of the United States. Remember the Nuremberg War Trials. “But…but…but…I only followed orders…” Die, you spineless cowardice bastards.

I reached the decision to go on the offensive – to put a check on government abuse of power, where others had failed in stopping the federal juggernaut running amok. I wish to use the words of Justice Brandeis dissenting in Olmstead to speak for me. He wrote, “Our government is the potent, the omnipresent teacher. For good or for ill, it teaches the whole people by its example.”

Those who betray or subvert the Constitution are guilty of sedition and/or treason, are domestic enemies and should and will be punished accordingly. It also stands to reason that anyone who sympathizes with the enemy or gives aid or comfort to said enemy is likewise guilty. I have sworn to uphold and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and I will. And I will because not only did I swear to, but I believe in what it stands for in every bit of my heart, soul and being. I know in my heart that I am right in my struggle. I have come to peace with myself, my God and my cause. Blood will flow in the streets…Good vs. Evil. Free Men vs. Socialist Wannabe Slaves. Pray it is not your blood, my friend. Is a Civil War imminent? Do we have to shed blood to reform the current system? I hope it doesn’t come to that. But it might.

A man with nothing left to lose is a very dangerous man and his energy/anger can be focused toward a common/righteous goal. What I’m asking you to do, then, is sit back and be honest with yourself. Do you have kids/wife? Would you back out at the last minute to care for the family? Are you interested in keeping your firearms for their current/future monetary value, or would you drag that ‘06 through rock, swamp and cactus…to get off the needed shot? In short, I’m not looking for talkers, I’m looking for fighters…And if you are a fed, think twice. Think twice about the Constitution you are supposedly enforcing (isn’t “enforcing freedom” an oxymoron?) and think twice about catching us with our guard down – you will lose…and your family will lose.

Update 1/09/10:  Oops folks.  I didn’t reallize at the time, but I guess this “Republican” was actually Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh.

I remember when my daughter was in first grade.  She ran out of school crying.  I asked her why and she told me that Poopy Head had called her a name.  Now, I knew some of the people in her class, but I had no idea who Poopy Head was.   It turns out it was a boy named Brett who had made fun of her.  She was so upset that she couldn’t call him by his name anymore so she started calling him Poopy Head.

I totally can relate.   Today, as a party we are stepping forward to do exactly the same thing.  In an email sent out to 168 RNC members on Wednesday, RNC committeeman James Bopp stated, “The proposed resolution acknowledges that and calls upon the Democrats to be truthful and honest with the American people by renaming themselves the Democrat Socialist Party.  Just as President Reagan’s identification of the Soviet Union as the ‘evil empire’ galvanized opposition to communism, we hope that the accurate depiction of the Democrats as a Socialist Party will galvanize opposition to their march to socialism.”

I think this idea has a lot of merit to it.   Don’t forget the Bush’s huge foreign policy success achieved by using the moniker Axis of Evil.  As any Captain and Tennille fan will tell you  a catchy name goes a very long way.   Look how well we did calling torture harsh interrogation.   The only problem is I wonder how many people even know what a socialist is anymore.   I think we may be better off calling them the Stinky Party or the Stupid Party.  Maybe the Stinky Stupids.  I definitely think that we should stop calling ourselves the Republicans.  Like Blackwater, when your reputation gets tarnished enough it may be time to change your name.  I really like the sound of the Guns and God Party.

This map shows how I would divide gay marriage and non-gay marriage states. The West would be set aside as territories.

In  my article on Miss USA, I promised that today I would present my compromise idea for gay marriage.  Well, here it is.  I think this would eliminate a lot of trouble.

One of the biggest misconceptions about Republicans is that we hate gays.  We don’t.  We simply hate their disgusting and grotesque immoral behavior not the gays themselves.   They cut our hair, decorate our homes, and play lovable sidekicks on our situation comedies.  In fact, there is a group called the Log Cabin Republicans made up of a handful of gay Republicans who shared a cabin together one summer.   We may only have a handful of gays voting for us, but we do have those guys.  We love the sinner, not the sin.

I have been trying to come up with a solution to the whole gay marriage thing so that as a country we can move past it and I think I may have found one.   Let’s face the facts.   Gays really can’t get married no matter what we call it.  It’ll always be different from our opposite marriages.  That doesn’t mean their relationships shouldn’t get some sort of protection.   Even in states that allow gay marriage, homosexual couples actually have to file 2 different tax forms–one as a couple for the state and then seperately for the federal government.  If there is one thing Republicans hate, its complicated income tax.

I decided that gay marriage should count for something.   I guess its better than half a marriage, but how much?  It certainly isn’t worth 75% of a marriage.  I decided in an admittedly arbitrary way that a gay marriage should count for 3/5 of a marriage.   If one gay spouse dies, their partner would be eligible for 60% of survivor benefits.  They would be able to visit a partner in the hospital, but only 60% of the time.  Couples could file jointly, but their savings would only be at 60%.  In this way we recognize their sinful and repulsive relationship and don’t hold it up to the same status as opposite marriage.

I would also suggest that since the states that allow gay marriage are in the North, we should set a line at the Arkansas and Missouri border.  Anything South of that line should not allow gay marriage.  Anything North of that line should allow it, but only as 60% of a marriage.  I guess we would have to have wacko left coast states allow the 60% marriage and it wouldn’t fly in the mountain west at all.   This great 3/5 compromise will allow us to get on with other important issues.  It is an idea whose times has come.