Archive for May 2009
Autotune the News #4
Republicans Need to Excommunicate RINOs
I have posted before that if we’re serious about turning the Republican Party around we need to get more elite. Our brand has to be like the Navy Seals or limited edition Precious Moments figurines. By cutting the number of Republicans way down, we can create a demand for us that will only serve us well in future elections. Obviously, Republicans in name only (RINOs) like Colin Powell, Olympia Snow, and the McCains need to hit the road, but who are the other threats to our party from within.
7. Rick Perry – When he ran for governor, he promised to secure the Texas / mexico border. As soon as he was elected, he totally reneged on the promise.
He also got a new business tax approved that was supposed to relieve residential property tax payers of their crushing taxes. Not only are business paying taxes they didn’t have to pay prior to 2008, homeowners are paying more property tax.
6. Pete Sessions – As head of the RNCC was complicit in allowingrampant RINOism to spread.
5. Lindsay Graham – His last opponent in the South Carolina Republican primary had a campaign slogan that “Lindsay Graham is too liberal for South Carolina.” I think he went even further over the top when he had a disgustingly kiss kis press conference showing his support for Obama.
4. Mitch McConnell – Was in favor of a stimulus package and big government spending
3. Nancy Reagan – She’s pro-stem cell research, she was a big McCain supporter in the primary over legitimate conservatives, and she has become an embarrassment to her husband’s legacy.
2. Newt Gingrich – He’s been making the round on liberal networks to attack Rush and Dick Cheney for their strident defense of America.
1. Dick Cheney - Though it pains me to admit it, Cheney is a big government liberal at heart. That can’t be changed by simply waterboarding a few terrorists.
Simply, by getting rid of these 7 pseudo Republicans, our party will become stronger. Let’s not waste time showing them them the door.
Bilandic Elementary School Memorial Day Celebration Lacks Focus

Tom Rathbun seemed staid in the role of Abraham Lincoln and suffered from poor costuming during his uninspiring reading of the Gettysburg Address
This week, I was forced to sit through yet another pathetic display of misplaced values at my daughter Emily’s school. She’s a 6th grader, but frankly I cannot wait until she can finally drop out of that place once and for all. This week, was the Memorial Day Celebration for parents. Sadly, there was hardly any celebrating. My daughter was one of a collection of 6th graders who sang Dire Straits’ “Brothers in Arms”. Later, she played the caretaker of an old veteran returning to Normandy. This thing was 2 hours of non-stop scenes, vignettes, and songs decrying the inhumanity of war.
What made this totally inexcusable is after my daughter told me of her rehearsals a month ago, I sent her teacher a 15 page script for what would have been an unbelievably kick ass production. You can’t tell me that Emily’s entire class covering Sgt. Barry Sadler’s Ballad of the Green Berets wouldn’t have been far more moving or that they couldn’t have found one 8th grade boy capable of delivering George C. Scott’s classic no retreat, no surrender speech from Patton. If our students do not know of the glory of war, how will they ever be ready for the battles that they will have to fight in the future. My daughter’s Memorial Day presentation seemed to be all about death and dying.
Now, the teacher didn’t tell me that my show ideas were bad, but she refused to try to implement them saying that there wasn’t enough time this year. Unfortunately, the principal and Local School Council backed her up, but I am very hopeful for next year that we can get this in. Ever since the school’s 80% Mexican version of My Fair Lady, I’ve found their performing arts way below the quality expected from one of the supposedly better schools in Chicago. The problem is all these other parents are just thrilled to see their child on stage in a costume that they refuse to be impartial critics. They actually gave a standing ovation at the end. I felt like I was the nut for sitting respectfully with my hands in my lap.
Death is an unfortunate side effect of war, but without the sacrifices made by previous generations we would never have freed the slaves, stopped Hitler, or helped the Iranians peacefully exert influence in Iraq. Dying gloriously in battle is not the worst thing that could happen to a man and I like to think that if I had been born at a different time or of a different socio-economic group I would not have hesitated to put my life on the line for my heterosexual brothers. I give the Bilandic Elementary School Memorial Day Celebration 2009 a rating of 2-stars. There are many better ways to spend an afternoon and this is really only worth seeing if you have a child in the cast.
Obama Negligence in North Korea
I read a great little article today on Rightwingnews.com asking President Obama when the change is coming to North Korea. It was like I had written the article myself. Following 8 years of the Bush administration’s very successful handling of the North Korean situation, Obama’s negligence has just about started a global catastrophe. As the article pointed out, what made George Bush so effective was that people all over the world feared him. Obama’s response was to hit North Korea with a bunch of empty words.
There is only one answer to our present situation. Obama must allow Israel to bomb North Korea and put an end to their nuclear program once and for all. We must supply Israel with the bunker busters needed to penetrate any North Korean defenses. I can understand that with our two current wars, the United States is afraid to take on a third, but Israel is just itching to bomb something. Furthermore, Israel and South Korea are natural allies as shown during the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles when Korean and Jewish merchants frequently helped each other defend their businesses in the inner city.
It is a shame that it took Obama so little time to mess up the Bush administration’s skillful handling of the North Korean nuclear crisis, but we can’t undo what has been done. Only by turning to our friend Israel can we hope to stop the North Koreans from further agression.
Sotomayor is Latest Example of reverse racism
When Rush Limbaugh and Newt Gingrich called Sonia Sotomayor a reverse racist today, a bunch of lefties got their panties all in a bunch. They had never known there was such a thing. Racism is an irrational prejudice or dislike of another person because of their race. For example, black people are lazy therefore I won’t hire you or Mexican people are all illegal immigrants so I don’t like you. Racism of this type has been eradicated from this country I am happy to say. Now some minorities will deny this because they are trying to get special privileges for being a minority.
Reverse racism is an irrational prejudice or dislike of another race for equally silly reasons like your ancestors owned my ancestors or your race wiped my people off the face of the map or you pay your white self storage employees more than the rest of us. I am sorry to say that reverse racism is thriving in today’s society. You can look at the career of Donovan McNabb or Lebron James who were elevated to superstar status simply because their respective sport wanted an African-American star. Why is it that white men supposedly have no rhythm? It is because reverse racist record producers insist on using African beats.
Now, Rush Limbaugh calls Obama the greatest reverse racist around, “Obama is the greatest living example of a reverse racist, and now he’s appointed one — you getting this, AP?” and he may well be. I say this not because he is especially vitriolic, but because he is from a mixed race family and at the same time he looks down on blacks for not being as white as him, he also looks down on whites for not being as black as him. What’s worse he won the election because whites saw him as one of their own and so did blacks. If you take off the white votes he got for being white and his black votes for being black and discount the Mexicans who are still made at the Republicans for immigration policy, McCain wins in a landslide.
I’m afraid as Limbaugh points out, “And the libs of course say that minorities cannot be racists because they don’t have the power to implement their racism. Well, those days are gone because reverse racists certainly do have the power to implement their power.” Sadly, that isn’t true anymore. Blacks are making over 70% what whites make now, if Sotomayor gets picked for the Supreme Court women will control 16.6% of the votes on the highest court in the land, and salsa outsells good old American ketchup in this country even when you add its sales to the sales for catsup. Welcome to a brave new world. I don’t think I care for it much.
I leave you with the words of that old white spiritual that eased the burdens of so many of our ancestors as they took the long drive to their office from the suburbs:
“There’s a summer place
Where it may rain or storm
Yet I’m safe and warm
For within that summer place
Your arms reach out to me
And my heart is free from all care
For it knows
There are no gloomy skies
When seen through the eyes
Of those who are blessed with love
And the sweet secret of
A summer place
Is that it’s anywhere
Where two people share
All their hopes
All their dreams
All their love”
Theme from a Summer Place, The Lettermen, 1965
Judge Sotomayor is Dangerously Unqualified
When you look at the qualifications necessary to be a successful Supreme Court Justice, it is clear that Judge Sonia Sotomayor has none of these traits. Her appointment is yet another disastrous move by President Obama when our country can least afford it. Let’s take a look at her legal career so far:
1. Judicial Temperament: No less an authority than Karl Rove called Sotomayor “a bully” and “domineering” today on Fox News. As a diabetic she may be prone to bouts of drowsiness or hyperactivity. Worst of all is her IQ. Rush Limbaugh pointed out that unlike himself, she’s no intellectual heavyweight.
2. Radical Activism: Recently Yakin v. Tyler Hill Corporation, Inc. was heard by the 2nd Circuit Court of appeals where Sotomayor is a judge. In their ruling they said, “To the extent that a forum selection clause binds diverse parties by its express terms to a specific jurisdiction that is not federal, it waives a statutory right to remove…However, where, as here, the clause merely contains obligatory venue language, it conveys nothing about the parties’ intent as to jurisdiction.”
Is this the kind of sloppy work we can expect from her on the Supreme Court? Forum selection clauses are a keystone of contract law in this country. While they affirmed the lower courts decision, they did so without any attention paid to the reasoning behind the ruling. I hope conservative groups nail her on this one.
3. Conflict of Interest: She may have to hear cases on immigration law. As a Hispanic, she has a definite conflict of interest.
4. Other more deserving candidates: Like Judge Sotomayor, Judge Greg Mathis also brought himself up from poverty. He was the youngest Judge in the State of Michigan. They even wrote a musical about his life called “Inner City Miracle.” He is a no nonsense Judge who can solve several difficult cases in a half hour. Frankly, the court can use his speed.
We need to make sure that Judge Sotomayor is not placed on the Supreme Court by Obama and the liberals in congress. Let your congress people know that Judge Mathis is your choice.
My Newest Screenplay – President Lightning
It was good to have today off because it gave me a chance to get working on my newest novel. It s a piece of historical fiction, which you can believe I have copyrighted. I like it because it shows an American overcoming long odds, there’s international espionage, war, and sports–kind of like Victory. In 1935, the Nazis worried about being embarrassed at the Berlin Olympics the next year kidnap Jesse Owens. It looks like they will be unstoppable in track and field until a crippled President and a discredited ex-President from the other party team up to take it to Hitler. He was born to lead, but he was taught to run. They call him President Lightning. Here’s an excerpt.
[INT - THE OVAL OFFICE]
FDR is in his power blue track suit sitting behind his desk in the Oval Office. He is smoking a cigarette and he looks sullen. Herbert Hoover is standing in front of the desk in a brown suit. He holds a clipboard and a stop watch. Beads of perspiration run down Roosevelt’s forehead and sweat stains mar the otherwise pristine look of Roosevelt’s track suit. There is an uncomfortably long pause as Hoover looks like he is about to say something, but thinks better of it.
FDR: [Flicking a cigarette ash] This is insane Herbert. I’m barely out of my wheelchair. I can’t win a race. Somebody else will have to run.
HOOVER: Dammit Franklin! Why can’t you pick yourself up by your own boot straps. That’s what Theodore would have done.
FDR: Damn you Hoover! I’m not him. The other Roosevelt had two good legs. All I’ve got is a big social program which has prolonged the Great Depression and a very unattractive wife who is even more liberal than I am.
HOOVER: If you think that’s all you’ve got Franklin, then you’ve lost already.
FDR: What do you know about it anyway? You’re not even a real track coach.
HOOVER: [Snatches the cigarette out of FDR's mouth] Spit that thing out. Those Germans are fast and I’m not training you so I can look foolish! Look, I may not be a real track coach, but I am a real American and what I know is that an American is never licked as long is he’s got a breath in his body and a fight in his heart. You think you’ve got it tough Mr. President, well I’ve got news for you. Thanks to all your big government spending a whole lot of people have it tougher than you do. If I hadn’t organized all those Hoover-villes they wouldn’t have anywhere to go. You think you’ve got it tough? Try raising a family of 8 when you’re factory just closed down.
FDR: [Angrily] I’m trying to everything I can.
HOOVER: Trying isn’t good enough Mister President. What are you going to do?
FDR: I don’t know
HOOVER: I said what are you going to do?
FDR [Getting out of wheel chair] I’m going to run Hitler’s socks off.
WHITE HOUSE MAID: [She is a rather rotund black woman who has been secretly listenning in on the two men's conversation] Lordy Mister President, I had hoped you’d say that. I don’t like that Mister Hitler none anyway. You go run circles around them Nazis. Jesse Owens was running for my people Mister President, the way I figure it you’re running for all of us too now.
FDR: I intend to Dorothy. Now why don’t you fix me some of them biscuits you make. All this training’s going to make me mighty hungry
[Here we have a training montage as FDR goes from being unsteady on his feet to being a world class athelete thanks to his hard work. Show Hoover looking displeased at first, but gradually lightening up as FDR improves. This montage not only shows FDR's ability improving, but a bond developing between the two men. This montage is an excellent spot for an uplifting rock song.]
Dick Cheney’s Popularity Soars to New Highs

People find many similiarities between Jack Nicholson's portrayal of an officer and Dick Cheney
With his recent media blitz, Dick Cheney’s favorability ratings have soared over 30% and are approaching where the Republican administration’s were at the end of 2008. Reasons for 1/3 of America now embracing Cheney range from his charming daughter to people who just wished that he was still running the country. Cheney now finds himself nearly 20 percentage points ahead of Fidel Castro and trailing Obama by less than 40%. This is good news for Cheney who had previously been unable to break half of Obama’s approval rating. In fact he now tops Lou Dobbs among Mexican immigrants by a 3 to 2 margin at 3% to 2%.
Even MSNBC liberals are seeing this. Joe Scarborough recently said the Dick Cheney’s speech this week was just like the speech that Jack Nicholson gave as Colonel Jessup in a Few Good Men. In that movie, Tom Cruise is grilling him on the stand about some alleged wrongdoing under his command. He gives a now famous speech, basically telling Cruise “you can’t handle the truth” and is acquitted by an awestruck jury. Likewise, the jury of political opinion, I believe, will acquit Cheney.
Now some people will say, “so what?” Joe Scarborough is no liberal. He was a Republican Congressman. However, simply by hosting his show on MSNBC shows his liberal bias. If he was conservative he’d never appear on a biased station like that. Unlike Fox which provides Fair and Balanced coverage by taking pains to give the Neo Con, Libertarian, and Traditional Conservative views on the issues of the day, MSNBC makes no claim to such objectivity.
Where is left for Cheney to go? Well I have a list of milestones so we can chart his progress:
- Percent of Americans who don’t believe in evolution (51%)
- Young Americans between 11-17 who were convinced by Clinton’s scandal with Lewinsky that it was OK to lie. (40%)
- Percent of Saudis who view the United States favorably (40%)
- People who believe we totally need to rebuild our health care system (38%)
- Catholics who attend mass weekly who were in favor of giving Obama an honorary degree (37%)
Liberty University Takes a Stand Against Democrats
The Liberty University Bookstore is ready for all students' academic needs
In a bold move, Jerry Falwell and Liberty University have decided to rid the Liberty University Campus of the Young Democrats because of the immoral views of their parent organization. The Liberty University Young Democrats had been on double secret probation since they had worked on the Obama campaign beginning in October of last year. The Liberty Democrats are now prohibited from using the university name, advertising their events on campus, or using campus facilities.
Liberty University is an amazing place. Whether you wish to study creation sciences, religion, theology, or a couple dozen other majors students can study knowing that they are in a moral environment. Whether you’re studying in their library of non-banned books, attending prayer services, or just sitting out on campus with your friends waiting on the rapture, you know that you’re at a very special place. College can be a confusing time in a young adults life when their beliefs are challenged by new experiences and ideas. Fortunately, at Liberty, students are protected from those strange new ideas.
Is a university really the best place for political discussion anyway? It seems to me, when it is time to pay my daughter’s college tuition, I don’t want to be wasting it on those kind of discussions. As long as I’m paying her bills, I will expect her to vote the way I tell her too. I’m not footing the bill for her to question my beliefs. She can do that when she’s in her forties.
If the Democrats are so upset about this, they should try reorganizing themsleves as the Young Socialist Democrats and see if that helps. Anyway, I wish the students on both sides of this debate all the best. Remember the Liberty University rule–If your roommate is raptured, you get straight A’s for the semester.
We Need to Start Panicking About Terrorism Before Its Too Late
I was extremely disturbed today when I heard that the four men who were arrested yesterday for planning to blow up Synagogues and shoot down airplanes in New York appeared in court today. What the heck is Obama thinking? As long as these men are in this coutry they have the right to all sorts of legal niceties and so called due process–all those things the ACLU loves so much. Those four men need to be on a plane by tonight either to a foreign country that we can outsource their torturing to or to Gitmo where we can do it ourselves.
Even if we put those terrorism suspects at one of our suppsed super max prisons, FBI Director Robert Mueller warns, “providing financing to terrorists, radicalizing others, the potential for individuals undertaking attacks on the United States, all of those are concerns.” Let’s face it, if I’m going to be killed by an escaped convict I want it to be because he wanted my television or I fit the victim’s sexual predator profile and not because he was now radicalized and fighting a holy war.
During World War II, the United States took German POWs and housed them in this country. Many of them worked on prison farms in Wisconsin and the Midwest. You know what a lot of them did after the war? The moved here, settled down, and raised families. I for one do not want a terrorist raising a family next to my own.
Obama doesn’t get it. He says, “where demanded by justice and national security, we will seek to transfer some detainees to the same type of facilities in which we hold all manner of dangerous and violent criminals within our borders — highly secure prisons that ensure the public safety. As we make these decisions, bear in mind the following fact: nobody has ever escaped from one of our federal ‘supermax’ prisons, which hold hundreds of convicted terrorists.”
Excuse me for not being impressed by our supposed secure prisons. It is time to panic people. I don’t care if I have convicted serial killers and rapists in my state, but you can believe I’m not going to put up with terrorists. The Senate wisely voted yesterday to reject Obama’s pollyana plan to close Gitmo. Let’s make sure it stays open and we get those terrorists from New York out of our court system and onto a waterboard as soon as possible.