Teen Gets Up to 10 Years for Scientology Denial of Service
The documentary Battlefield Earth exposed many to the mysteries of scientology
A New Jersey teen pleaded guilty in federal court Monday to a computer hacking charge for his role in distributed denial-of-service attack that last year shuttered Church of Scientology websites. Dmitriy Guzner, part of the online troublemaking group, Anonymous, was charged with a felony count of unauthorized impairment of a protected computer for the January, 2008 distributed denial-of-service attack. The 19-year-old New Jersey teen faces a maximum 10 years when sentenced August 24.
This is a major victory for the forces of scientology who have found themselves targeted by this group of hackers much the same way that they must have felt 75 million years ago when Xenu brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and detonated hydrogen bombs in the volcanoes. The thetans then clustered together, stuck to the bodies of the living, and continue to do this today. Scientologists at advanced levels place considerable emphasis on isolating body thetans and neutralizing their ill effects. That’s the best part about following a religions started by a science fiction writer—They tell much better stories than fishermen or shepards.
Its a shame to see an obiously bright 19 year old facing such serious criminal charges, but it is even sadder that he will probably never be able to get access to his Thetan powers by advancing through the levels of scientology. I’m Christian all the way, but I’m kind of jealous that we don’t get super powers. Any religion that can give us both Tom Cruise and Kirstie Alley can’t be all bad.
I read Ron L. Hubbins’ book Diuretics. He seems to say that we can all have super powers AND be rich and famous. I know it sounds like science fiction from a guy who writes science fiction, but we won’t be saying that when the space ship shows up.
wrecksracer
May 11, 2009 at 9:08 pm
I truly feel that if we Christians can’t offer our members super powers, it is only a matter of time before we fall behind.
thatsrightnate
May 12, 2009 at 7:35 am
Yeah, eating and drinking the body of Christ is so boring!
Lola
May 12, 2009 at 7:54 am
I don’t think it always was, but we’ve just been so flooded with zombie movies lately.
thatsrightnate
May 12, 2009 at 11:13 am
What about that resurrection deal that Christians have. That’s a pretty neat trick if you can pull it off.
zenyenta
May 12, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Plus, we can gleefully sin up until the moment before we die, and then repent. So easy to get into Christian heaven! Also, a spiffy new body (with wings).
wrecksracer
May 12, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Those aren’t bad, I’d just like to be able to shoot lightning bolts with my eyes or something
thatsrightnate
May 12, 2009 at 7:23 pm
How about Mormons, Nate? I have the impression that you’d like to have five wives. Or you could convert to Islam to achieve such grace.
Lola
May 13, 2009 at 6:40 am