That’s Right Nate

You may have noticed an unusual lack of posts from me the past 2 days.   This is because of an overwhelming outrage I am feeling over my treatment at the Chicago American Girl Place on Michigan Avenue.  My friend Tom and I showed up at 4PM for what was advertised as the biggest tea party event in Chicago.   This seemed like the perfect place to let lose my pent up rage over the passing of the health care bill.   I had a Stop the Socialist Takeover of Medicine Sign that shows Obama hitting a doctor with a beer bottle from behind.   Tom had a What Part of Constitusion Don’t You Understand sign.

I should have known something was up when the women at the front door wouldn’t let us bring our signs inside.   I have met some very charming and attractive honeys at Tea Party events from places like Smart Girl Politlics so American Girl seemed like a natural.  In fact, the women here were younger.  However, none of them seemed to be very passionate about politics.  When we finally got up to the rally, I saw we were the only two guys there.  Ordinarily I would have loved my chances, but most of the women had small children with them and again they didn’t seem very passionate about their politics.

Finally, an author came to speak.   She wanted to talk about some girl named Molly who grew up in World War II.   As she indoctrinated the room full of impressionable young children with stories of the mid-1940s and the glories of the new deal, Tom and I immediately took action.  We began to challenge her supposed facts and remind her that FDR was an avowed socialist who caused the Great Depression with his massive spending.  The American Girl people actually called the police on us.  As we were escorted out, a rather attractive red haired woman with a rather homely daughter reached into her purse.   I thought she was giving me her phone number, but instead she sprayed both Tom and I in the eyes with pepper spray.

I believe that the whole tea party rally was a ruse to indoctrinate us.  This was unlike any tea party I had been at before and I can say that I was duped. I warn any other tea partiers to avoid American Girl.  They are most definitely a liberal front.

Recently, Marvel Comics unleashed a firestorm of controversy when an issue of Captain America #602 featured a story about Nazi supervillain The Red Skull whose new plot to destroy America involved starting a grassroots movement of people who call themselves Watchdogs and extremely anti-government and anti-tax.  Captain America investigates the group’s ties to militant white supremacists.  As a result, we see a long shot of Watchdog protesters and many of them are carrying the same signs as those carried by Tea Party protesters.  Marvel has since apologized for accidentally making the Teabaggers seem like crazy right wing extremists, which of course is very far from the truth.

Marvel Comics editor-in-chief Joe Quesada apologized saying that he could “absolutely see how some people are upset about this,” Quesada said that there was “zero discussion to include a group that looked like a Tea Party demonstration,” adding, “There was no thought that it represented a particular group.”

Tea Party founder founder Judson Phillips said the apology “sounds less like a genuine ‘we’re sorry’ than it does a ‘we’re sorry we got caught’ statement.”

Unfortunately, nobody seems to have bothered to get the Red Skull’s opinion on the matter before now.   Fortunately, Thatsrightnate.com has been very fortunate to be able to contact the Red Skull and set up an interview from his undisclosed bunker location.

Thatsrightnate: Thank you for joining us.  Should I call you Red Skull or Mister Skull or what would you like to be called?

Red Skull: Soon you and your entire pathetic mongrel country shall call me Master as I crush you beneath my boot heel, but for now Red Skull is fine.  Thanks for having me.

TRN: How do you feel about this situation?  It seems that Marvel has created quite a bit of controversy this time.

RS: First, allow me to say that the Tea Party is a great organization.   I admire their steadfast resolve and I believe very strongly that if I were to run for Congress, that the Tea Party would be among the first to support me.   I’ve worked with AIM in the past, so I’m used to having goofy looking followers.  That doesn’t bother me in the least.  On the other hand, I really believe that they need to get over themselves.  In the 1990 Captain America movie, I was depicted as Italian.   It’s been 20 years, but that still smarts.  What director in their right mind decides that the Italians are the enemy that most symbolizes the villainy of World War II.  I think Tarantino learned a lot before making Inglorious Bastards.

TRN: So you think you’ve been depicted worse than the Tea Partiers?

RS: Ja!  Have you seen Hogan’s Heroes?  How about The Great Escape or Stalag 17? If anybody should be angry about this it’s the brave German soldier.

TRN: So you feel you are the wronged party here?

RS: Oh yes.   Look, imagine you’ve spent the last 65 years building up an empire of pure evil with your only goal being world domination.   Then a long come these punks and they start making money off of your ideas.   Man, I do wish I had thought of the Tea Party Convention thing though–nice touch.  Still, I want people to fear me.   When I say, “The United States  is being destroyed from within by the cowardly mud races” it has some bite.  When people take the thunder out of my language and replace it with “How’s that hopey changey thing working for you?” it hurts my ears.  Much like the Republican Party, I had hoped I could control these people, but I’m afraid they’re just to0 radical for me.

TRN: Is there anything you’d like to say to the Tea Party Organizers?

RS: Apologize to me for this affront and I shall kill you…Gott en himmel!! it’s SHIELD again.  I’m sorry, but I have to go.  It is so hard to find good minions these days.

I’m excited to be writing to you from the National Tea Party Convention in beautiful Nashville, TN.    This convention counting airfare is running me over $1,000 but it’s worth it to support a worthy grassroots cause like the tea parties.  My day has been very full and enjoyable.  I’ve learned more about NASCAR than I had ever known–being from Chicago and I felt a sense of American pride that I have never felt before outside of a Lee Greenwood concert.

My day was very full.  After flying in this morning, I hit the convention.   Ray Stevens provided the entertainment and I swear The Streak is just as fun as it was when it first hit the charts in the 1970s.  Tom Tancredo provided the keynote for the evening and I got to listen to him with California Congressman Jack Kimble.  There were two breakout sessions and I think I got a lot out of both of them.

The 50 Most Common Demonstration Sign Misspellings and How to Avoid Them was terrific.  It was taught by Dr. E.Y. Hansen who was an English professor at Dartmouth before he was fired for teaching Creationism in his class.  I learned a lot including that Fascism actually has an “s” in the middle.   Dr. Hansen gave everybody a laminated list of frequently misspelled words from Tea Bag rallies so that even a moran would be able to protest without embarrassing themselves.

The second breakout session was taught by a Mindy Carlson who was a former Kansas City Chief cheerleader.  It was discovered after several large tea parties last year that we were terrible at cheering on command.  Several times the Fox anchor would hold the microphone out to hear us and you only hear a smattering of voices.   What we learned wasn’t really cheering or choreography so much as pep–the sort of manly cheering that George Bush did in College.

I’m going with some cool Alabama tea baggers to watch Birth of a Nation.  I like old movies and it seems to be the only DVD anybody has around here.  I’ll keep you posted tomorrow.

They came from all over the country to protest the Obama administration on Sunday, but you wouldn’t notice it from the liberal elite media.  Even Fox News, which tries so hard to be fair and balanced didn’t report on the huge protest which was 3-4 times greater than the protest Fox and the other news networks broadcast live from last month.  The only place I could even see coverage of the march was way up in the channels nobody ever watches at something called Logo.

The protesters seemed far more diverse than last month’s march as I saw many families and enough minorities to finally put to bed that lie that the only protesters were white men.   The protesters made their message very loud and clear for Obama – The Constitution makes us all equal and we want to be able to buy our own health care just like the founding fathers intended.   Some of the protesters were so worried about Obama care that they didn’t think they could get married until the threat was over.   I saw two guys holding up a sign together demanding that Obama stop this health care reform so they could get married.  I did not see their girlfriends, but it seemed to me that that such articulate conservatives could have their pick.  Frankly,  marriage is just the type of American value we should be promoting Mister President.

A new symbol seems to have emerged for the Tea Party Movement as many of the protesters were carrying rainbows signs and flags.  I loved the sea of color and I thought it was a very appropriate sign for us taking back our country after the storms of the Obama administration.   Of course you wouldn’t know any of this from the mainstream media.   CNN had an advertising campaign showing that they covered the 9/12 protests, but I don’t think they even mentioned the 10/11 tea party.  There were celebrities there as well.  Even conservative diva Lady Gaga spoke to the crowd, but like most musicians wasn’t really coherent and didn’t stick to the topic of standing up to Obama.

It is clear to me that if our message is to spread, it is up to conservative blogs like this one to get the word out.  CNN, Fox, and MSNBC aren’t going to promote protesting their beloved President Obama so we have to do it.   If there were 200,000 at the 9/12 protest then there were 700,000 at this rally and you sure wouldn’t know it.   Together we need to wake the news media up from their liberal bias.

[I am once again giving this blog space over to Congressman Jack Kimble (R-CA) so that he can tell you about his exciting 4th of July plans--Nate]

Hello cyberspace!  In April, we made history.  Hundreds of Americans from all walks of life came together to teabag in the parks of this country and let our voices be heard.   I was inspired to see the teabag movement grow larger and larger.   We sure got a rise out of a lot of people all the way to Washington.   Still, many people claimed that we didn’t have the staying power to keep it up.   They thought that we would be one and done.  That’s why I’m pleased to announce that there is going to be a second wave of teabagging on July 4th.  Teabagging is about the spirit that got our founding father’s through Valley Forge and many difficult nights on the front lines.  Let’s show the Obama administration that we will not bend regardless of the polls.

One thing I noticed about our last teabagging event is that many of the crowd seemed to be older and male.   There’s nothing wrong with that, but this time we’d like to get more women and children participating.  That’s why after the teabagging we will be having wieners for everybody.   There is nothing that says 4th of July like having a bbq and I’m promising all the wieners you can handle for the whole family.   I learned several years ago from David Vitter that the secret to a good BBQ is a good rub and while some chefs just throw their wieners on the grill I make sure to give mine a very special rub first to seal in the flavor and make it oh so juicy.  There is nothing like one of my wieners on a fresh bun.

So if you’re in the district come on out to Monserat Park for teabagging at noon with wieners to follow from 4PM until nightfall.  Hopefully, we’ll have a good view of the fireworks at the country club from the park.   This will be a great opportunity for more teabagging and who doesn’t love wieners?  This is our chance to protest and teabag so they feel it all the way to Washington.   Whatever you do on the 4th, I wish you and your family the best.   This country has come a long way since it won it’s independence from England on July 4, 1776 and it is time we return to the values of our four fathers.

I wish to apologize for yesterday’s article A Patriot Speaks About the Teabag Movement.  As it turns out, the “patriot” whose comments I posted was Timothy McVeigh who later blew up the the Federal Building in Oklahoma City.  This was a mistake on my part.  I trusted friends of mine who told me they found it on the web and that I might want to post it.  They never told me that it was what a domestic terrorist said, so naturally I believed it to be the sentiments of a true patriot.  As you know, there is no connection whatsoever between conservative politics and domestic terrorism.

I hope this in no way damages my credibility with you.   We’ve had this blog for over a year now and mistakes are bound to happen.  I never claimed to be perfect.  However, when I have made an error I have always apologized.  When I posted the details of the Keating Five scandal mistakenly believing it was Obama and Rezko I quickly made amends. Likewise, when I accidentally printed Nazi propaganda while rallying against poor people having children I admitted it.  I took full responsibility for my article that mistakenly claimed Obama had his own flag and demanded that Obama do the same.

In the event that I do make another mistake, you can be sure I’ll retract it.  I think that says more about my qualities as a journalist than any mistakes I make ever could.   I can assure you that all the other articles on my blog are mostly true.

A friend of mine sent me this email from a Republican who is sick of what’s going on in this country.  I think a lot of us, regardless of political party will agree.  This is the kind of voice the mainstream media should be carrying when they talk about the teabag movement.  I asked my friend to send me some contact information so we may have a potential interview coming up.

The government is afraid of the guns people have because they have to have control of the people at all times. Once you take away the guns, you can do anything to the people. You give them an inch and they take a mile. I believe we are slowly turning into a socialist government. The government is continually growing bigger and more powerful, and the people need to prepare to defend themselves against government control.

Taxes are a joke. Regardless of what a political candidate “promises,” they will increase. More taxes are always the answer to government mismanagement. They mess up. We suffer. Taxes are reaching cataclysmic levels, with no slowdown in sight. Go ahead, take everything I own; take my dignity. Feel good as you grow fat and rich at my expense; sucking my tax dollars and property, tax dollars which justify your existence and pay your federal salary. Do you get it? By doing your evil job, you put me out of work. All you tyrannical mother fuckers will swing in the wind one day for your treasonous actions against the Constitution of the United States. Remember the Nuremberg War Trials. “But…but…but…I only followed orders…” Die, you spineless cowardice bastards.

I reached the decision to go on the offensive – to put a check on government abuse of power, where others had failed in stopping the federal juggernaut running amok. I wish to use the words of Justice Brandeis dissenting in Olmstead to speak for me. He wrote, “Our government is the potent, the omnipresent teacher. For good or for ill, it teaches the whole people by its example.”

Those who betray or subvert the Constitution are guilty of sedition and/or treason, are domestic enemies and should and will be punished accordingly. It also stands to reason that anyone who sympathizes with the enemy or gives aid or comfort to said enemy is likewise guilty. I have sworn to uphold and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and I will. And I will because not only did I swear to, but I believe in what it stands for in every bit of my heart, soul and being. I know in my heart that I am right in my struggle. I have come to peace with myself, my God and my cause. Blood will flow in the streets…Good vs. Evil. Free Men vs. Socialist Wannabe Slaves. Pray it is not your blood, my friend. Is a Civil War imminent? Do we have to shed blood to reform the current system? I hope it doesn’t come to that. But it might.

A man with nothing left to lose is a very dangerous man and his energy/anger can be focused toward a common/righteous goal. What I’m asking you to do, then, is sit back and be honest with yourself. Do you have kids/wife? Would you back out at the last minute to care for the family? Are you interested in keeping your firearms for their current/future monetary value, or would you drag that ‘06 through rock, swamp and cactus…to get off the needed shot? In short, I’m not looking for talkers, I’m looking for fighters…And if you are a fed, think twice. Think twice about the Constitution you are supposedly enforcing (isn’t “enforcing freedom” an oxymoron?) and think twice about catching us with our guard down – you will lose…and your family will lose.

Update 1/09/10:  Oops folks.  I didn’t reallize at the time, but I guess this “Republican” was actually Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh.

Today, in Chicago we made it very clear that we won’t take  it anymore.   At noon today, half-dozens of people crowded into the plaza outside of the Kluzinski Federal Building to proudly proclaim our messages of protest.  I was there, but felt ridiculously out of place in my American Indian attire.  I just assumed that the dress code would be the same as the last one.  Fortunately, although it was cloudy, there was no rain and the weather was fine for Chicago in April.

We gathered to hear disc jockey Mancow (pictured) give an inspirational message.   As the keynote speaker he reminded us that “in the million man march, only 13 of them had jobs.”  He also didn’t sugar coat it for Obama, calling him a a “race-baiting community organizer” in the mold of “Jesse Jackson.”  I was a bit disappointed to see Mancow didn’t have Drew Peterson with him.  The two have been seen around town several times since Mancow first interviewed the suspected two time wife killer.  Even though the crowd was a bit small for a Mancow appearance he was excited and enthused to be there.  You could really feel the positive energy just below the rage, but what drew the average person there?   Fortunately, I was able to ask some of those who showed up to let Chairman Maobama what they thought of his stimulus.

I asked one guy carrying one of the Obama photoshopped into Hitler posters that were all the rage at the rally.  He looked at me a bit funny no doubt because of my attire.

“Hello sir.  Can I get your name?” I asked

“Nope,” he stated flatly, “the feds have spies everywhere.   Just call me a concerned citizen”

“Fair enough,” I replied, “Why are you here?”

“Obama’s a fascist,” he said.

“What makes you say that?” I asked.

“Cause he is,” he angrily retorted.

“So you think he wants to take away our rights?” I asked.

“Yeah, that’s what I said.   You watch.  He’s going to do away with gun ownership, private property, and elections,” he snapped.

“Well I’m glad you’re here to stand up to that,” I responded.

A man caught my eye next.  He was in his 60s and dressed like a continental soldier and he had small children with him who I assumed he rented for the occasion  holding up signs protesting the latest taxes.  I approached him and asked his name.

“My name is Ray Hogan,” He smiled.

“What brings you here?” I asked.

“I don’t want change?” he said.

“You don’t want change?” I asked

“No.  I want things back the way they used to be?”  He said.

“What do you think about taxes?” I asked

“Oh that doesn’t bother me really,” he said, “My wife takes care of that.”

“Oh OK,” I said, “I really appreciate your time.”

“You’re welcome,” he smiled, “I had nothing else to do.  I’m just watching my grand kids.”

I was off to find another person to interview when I saw a very attractive woman with long blonde hair in a gray pinstripe suit showing a lot of leg.   She was walking quickly, but I was determined to make a bee line.

“Hi,” I said

“How.” she laughed.  She continued walking, but slowed down.

“So why are you protesting?” I asked.

“Me, I’m just getting lunch.  I work in this building,” she retorted, “Is this a protest?”

“We’re having a tea party,” I responded.

“Oh I used to have those all the time when I was a girl,” she smiled.

Unfortunately, she then entered the Kluzinski Building and I had to cut the interview short, but we really seemed to have a chemistry.  I was thorougly impressed by what I saw. It was a magic day and though some of us were protesting taxes and others were protesting for gun rights or against minorities or because we wanted Chicago to secede from the country, I believe our voice was heard.  Whether you were the militia guy who told me he believes metal detectors are a threat to our rights or one of the many people I saw who wanted to go back to the gold standard, today we made history and they can’t take that away from us.