That’s Right Nate

As regular readers of my blog know, I am a huge collector of Precious Moments figurines.  The ones that I truly appreciate are the rare limited edition ones.  This week, I immediately bought 6 copies of Our Love is the Bridge to Happiness.  Normally, I would only buy one for the empty spot on top of my mantle, but this particular figurine is a limited edition.  Because it is rare it is seen as a status symbol.   That’s why whenever I am flirting with a woman I never fail to mention to her about all the rare precious moment figurines I have.   Hopefully, this will one day lead to an opportunity to show that woman the figurines for herself.

Just like Precious Moments, The Republican Party has made a move in the right direction by becoming rarer itself.  We have now become an elite party.  When there were all sorts of moderates running around like Arlen Specter or Gerald Ford anybody could be a Republican.   Now, it takes strict adherence to very rigid principles that most people in public office could never do–either their empathy or their intellect would get in the way.  That is why even though we are leaner, we are now more powerful than ever.  Everybody now knows, if you’re a Republican you are elite.

Soon, people will reallize what an elite brand we are and when that happens we will be in great demand like any limited supply.  This will help us in elections because while not everybody can own a Ferrari, that won’t stop ordinary people from wanting to.   Voting Republican will be a new status symbol.  As an added bonus, we have a very unified message.   When we were larger, nearly half the party thought Bush was taking the country in the wrong direction.  Now that that half of the party is gone, I’d wager that all the remaining Republicans approve of the job Bush did or see him as too liberal.  It is much easier to stay unified and on message with a smaller group.   The moderate purge must continue until we become even more elite.  Only then can we really lead.

Today, Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter became a Democrat.   Actually, that’s not quite right.   In my mind he always was a Democrat.  Specter, who voted for Obama’s bloated stimulus package, has time and again failed to live up to the values that make our party great—discipline and the ability to vote no to stuff that Obama proposes.  He had no right to leave the party just because we were trying to get a more conservative politician to run against him in the Republican primary.  The people of Pennsylvania voted for a Republican Senator and that’s what they deserve.   The good news is we have managed to purge our party of all but two disenting voices—The Laverne and Shirley of the Capitol Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins of Maine.

Now personally this may be good for Specter.   He probably gains a chance to return to Washington for another term, but what does he lose?   To answer that, I composed a list of those things that any good Republican would miss about the GOP:

10. Rush Limbaugh’s producer’s voice mail number

9. Michael Steele’s Def Conservative Poetry on C-Span 8

8. David Vitter’s porn collection

7. Immunity from Michelle Bachman’s “He’s probably a Muslim” list

6. Senate Tea Bagging Parties (Wow that never gets old)

5. Weekly Shirts vs. Skins basketball games

4. Being on the same side as Joe Lieberman I think.  Wait, no actually hmm yeah.   I think that they’re on opposite sides. I can’t keep track.

3. Making up fake notes from John McCain to pass to Lindsey Graham

2. Hiding Jim Bunning’s briefcase and pretending to help him look for it.

1. Invitations to Rupert Murdoch’s September 19th Talk Like a Pirate Day Party

The Republicans will survive.  We will remain a big tent party because of all the people who are economic policies now have living with their families in big tents.  Mister Specter on the other hand, let’s just say its his loss.