That’s Right Nate

First, a word of caution to all the father’s out there.   If your daughter gives you a permission slip to join the pom team at her school, make sure the ink hasn’t smeared before calling the school as an irate parent.   Pornography has been in the news this week so I guess that might be part of the problem.

Tom Coburn’s chief of staff, Michael Schwartz gave a speech for the Value Voters Summit last week that explained, “All pornography is homosexual pornography because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards…Now, think about that. And if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants! You know, that’s a good comment, it’s a good point, and it’s a good thing to teach young people.”

This immediately brought a couple of questions to my mind:

1. If you read Playbody, but only the articles, will that turn you bisexual?
2. If somebody was already gay, would watching porn make them straight more efficiently than the current deprogramming methods?

However, what this really did for me is to make me feel even more sympathy for Carrie Prejean, the former Miss California USA contestant.   You see, Carrie is most famous for coming out against gay marriage at the Miss USA pageant that she totally would have won otherwise.  At the time liberals like Perez Hilton tried to make her out to be some kind of bigot, but her story is much more complex.

“I am a Christian, and I am a model. Models pose for pictures, including lingerie and swimwear photos,” explained Miss Prejean when a half dozen racy pictures of her surfaced.  Carrie looks amazingly attractive in those pictures and I can’t help, but think that many an 11 year old boy could spend a considerable amount of time studying them.  The problem is, as Michael Schwartz explained, this act will make them gay.   At which point, Miss Prejean will oppose their marriage.   I certainly don’t approve of the lifestyle, but I can’t help think that this is hypocritical when she helped to cause the gay lifestyle in the first place.

Call me a feminist, but life isn’t easy for young women nowadays, especially courageous conservative and outspoken women like Carrie Prejean and Bristol Palin.   Both of them were just callously attacked, by rich and powerful men.   That’s why I’m dedicating today’s blog is being dedicated to their courageous struggles.

Being an unwed teenage mother is very difficult.  Add to it the responsibilities of being an advocate for sexual abstinence and you can see that Bristol  Palin has her work cut out for her.   That’s why David Letterman’s joke about her being knocked up by Alex Rodriguez is not the least bit funny.    I’m not talking about the fact that Alex Rodriguez is Hispanic.  I have always believed that when a Mexican or other Latino makes over a certain amount of money, they’re really no different than European Spaniards.   Instead, it is because of the age difference.   Alex Rodriguez is nearly 30 years old.   Even Todd Palin wasn’t out of his teens when he married Sarah Palin.  It is offensive to believe Bristol would have anything to do with somebody nearly 30.  Furthermore, all the Palin kids practice abstinence and Bristol has probably gotten awfully good at it by now.

This also has to be a horrible time to be Miss California nowadays.  With the state’s economy in trouble, there are few grand openings calling for ribbon cutting.   Being singled out by the powerful homosexual agenda complicates things even further.   Let’s face it, when Carrie came out for opposite marriage, she was painting a big rainbow bulls eye on her back.  Now she is being fired as Miss California by Donald Trump after she didn’t fulfill the terms of her contract or tell the pageant people where she was or what she was doing.   There is of yet no word on whether or not she’ll have to return the implants, but you can be sure they’re going to want the tiara back.

If there is one thing I’ve learned from being subjected to chick flicts, its that women who are abused by men and left powerless, will do desperate things to try and reclaim their freedom.  This may mean seducing the pool boy or it may mean a cross country shooting spree.   We must not let these women feel that they are out of options.   I hope that Bristol will continue to be an effective campaigner for abstinence long after Alex Rodriguez has hung up his spikes.  Carrie Prejean is a natural as a Fox News anchor.   Let’s open up doors to these women because when they get angry enough they’ll be knocking them down.  In some ways, their issues crossover.  If gay people would just refrain from having sex, would gay marriage really be necessary?

I’ve been feeling sorry for Paul Potts lately.   In 2007, he was the ugly guy with the amazing operatic voice that took Britain’s Got Talent by storm.   As often happens with these things, he was replaced a few years later by an even uglier and equally talented person in Susan Boyle.   If you believe in evolutionary theory, England should continue to get uglier and more talented in the years to come.

I think what made Paul Potts and Susan Boyle such big sensations is that people couldn’t believe ugly people could be talented.   I think Carrie Prejean had a similar effect on people who did not believe a beautiful person could wax so eloquently on highly moral matters like opposite marriage.    Even Donald Trump said about her answer, “if her beauty wasn’t so great, nobody would have cared.”  I’d like to believe that Donald Trump let her keep her crown as Miss California USA for all the right reasons, but the truth is the pageant had already spent consider money on her breasts and they knew they were never going to get that money back.  I think they just didn’t want to throw good money after bad.

N0w, some of you are going to say, “but she posed for racy photos.   She’s not fit to be Miss California.”  However, is there really a better way to prostelitize for a heterosexual lifestyle?   What Carrie did was to sacrifice her dignity for the chance that gay men might see her lovely female form and be drawn to heterosexuality.  This is a woman who is beautiful, but stands up for her beliefs just like Anita Bryant before her.   I think there is a future for Miss Prejean as a Fox News anchor and if that is her dream, I truly hope she pursues it.  After all, there will be another beauty queen last year and she will become yesterday’s news the way that Paul Potts did.  She should strike while the iron is hot.

This map shows how I would divide gay marriage and non-gay marriage states. The West would be set aside as territories.

In  my article on Miss USA, I promised that today I would present my compromise idea for gay marriage.  Well, here it is.  I think this would eliminate a lot of trouble.

One of the biggest misconceptions about Republicans is that we hate gays.  We don’t.  We simply hate their disgusting and grotesque immoral behavior not the gays themselves.   They cut our hair, decorate our homes, and play lovable sidekicks on our situation comedies.  In fact, there is a group called the Log Cabin Republicans made up of a handful of gay Republicans who shared a cabin together one summer.   We may only have a handful of gays voting for us, but we do have those guys.  We love the sinner, not the sin.

I have been trying to come up with a solution to the whole gay marriage thing so that as a country we can move past it and I think I may have found one.   Let’s face the facts.   Gays really can’t get married no matter what we call it.  It’ll always be different from our opposite marriages.  That doesn’t mean their relationships shouldn’t get some sort of protection.   Even in states that allow gay marriage, homosexual couples actually have to file 2 different tax forms–one as a couple for the state and then seperately for the federal government.  If there is one thing Republicans hate, its complicated income tax.

I decided that gay marriage should count for something.   I guess its better than half a marriage, but how much?  It certainly isn’t worth 75% of a marriage.  I decided in an admittedly arbitrary way that a gay marriage should count for 3/5 of a marriage.   If one gay spouse dies, their partner would be eligible for 60% of survivor benefits.  They would be able to visit a partner in the hospital, but only 60% of the time.  Couples could file jointly, but their savings would only be at 60%.  In this way we recognize their sinful and repulsive relationship and don’t hold it up to the same status as opposite marriage.

I would also suggest that since the states that allow gay marriage are in the North, we should set a line at the Arkansas and Missouri border.  Anything South of that line should not allow gay marriage.  Anything North of that line should allow it, but only as 60% of a marriage.  I guess we would have to have wacko left coast states allow the 60% marriage and it wouldn’t fly in the mountain west at all.   This great 3/5 compromise will allow us to get on with other important issues.  It is an idea whose times has come.

This past Sunday was the Miss USA pageant and like I have for the past 10 or 15 years I have a Miss USA ritual.  I put on my pajamas and my fuzzy slippers and I on my comfortable chair with a pint of Haagen-Dazs ice cream and watch the whole thing from start to finish.  This year I have to admit I think I witnessed a robbery.  Miss California Carrie Prejean had everything going for her–a big smile, an up with people attitude, and a slightly anorexic figure that gave you a good glimpse of her ribcage.  Then she got a question from blogger and well known homosexual Perez Hilton:

Perez Hilton: “Vermont recently became the 4th state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit. Why or why not?”

Prejean: “Well,  I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And you know what, in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised and that’s how I think it should be between a man and a woman. Thank you very much.”

As you can see Prejean didn’t come out against gay marriage as much for opposite marriage.   She came out for this great country where we can choose who we will allow to get married and who we won’t.  I thought this was a very positive message of inclusion, but unfortunately, that’s not how it was taken.  The gay agenda was quickly mobilized against Ms. Prejean and she went down in flames.

“It did cost me my crown,” Prejean continued. “It is a very touchy subject and [Hilton] is a homosexual, and I see where he was coming from and I see the audience would’ve wanted me to be more politically correct. But I was raised in a way that you can never compromise your beliefs and your opinions for anything.”

I believe that if nothing else, we look to our pageant contestants to stand up for their political beliefs.   We might not agree with them when they say who can get married or who can use what water fountain, but we should respect their beliefs. Charmaine Koonce, the mother of Miss New Mexico USA Bianca Matamoros-Koonce, supported Ms. Prejean saying, “In the Bible it says marriage is between Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!”

I checked and she is right.  There is no Steve in the Book of Genesis and I think that other than the whole shame, getting kicked out of Paradise, and one of their sons killing the other one, Adam and Eve are the type of relationship that everybody should aspire to.  Despite her obvious correctness, the whole Miss USA thing got me thinking and I think I have found a solution to the entire problem of gay marriage in this country.  On Thursday, I will present on this very blog what I call the 60% solution to gay marriage.