That’s Right Nate

I apologize in the dust gathering on this blog.  I hope to be posting a lot more in the weeks ahead.   In the meantime, here’s a Christmas wish I whipped up with the help of Congressman Jack Kimble of California’s 54th District.

Come they told me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
A new-born king to see pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Our finest gifts we bring pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum

Come they told me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
A new-born king to see pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Our finest gifts we bring pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
to lay before the king pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
so to honour him pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
when we come

Little baby pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I stood beside him there pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I played my drum for him pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I played my best for him pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
And he smiled at me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
me and my drum

Merry Christmas from the GOP
2 Years from now, you know we’ll see
See the election of Sarah Palin
See the day, when men of good means
Pay less tax, pay less tax again

2012, can it be
Everyone must be made aware
That the rich do more than their share
Do so much for their fellow man
Let’s cut all their taxes we can

I pray my wish will come true
For Boehner and McConnell too
We’ll see President Palin
See the day when men of good means
Pay less tax, Pay less tax again

2012, can it be

Please excuse me for the tone of this particular blog entry.   It seems I ran out of egg nog and have been drinking straight rum since 2PM.  Anyway, Christmas Eve is the tradition for me.   I get my daughter Emily for Christmas Eve and it’s beautiful.   This year she got me a talking Ronald Reagan action figure and I got her an elliptical machine.  It can be difficult giving the practical gifts and letting her mom give her the stuff she actually wants, but at only 5’7″ and tipping the scales at 120 pounds, I think she can really use the exercise machine.  I love my Ronald Reagan.

I always spend Christmas Day the same way–watching the movie Taxi Driver.  I’ve seen it 4 times so far today and I think I’ll put it in another  before bed.   I really love the movie and it’s become such a Christmas tradition since my wife left me.   I’m sorry to say that Christmas kind of stinks anymore because it’s become a socialist holiday.   I remember when I was a kid, I didn’t get anything from Santa 4 times before the age of 10.   The reason is, my father didn’t think I was very good those years.  Nowadays kids just expect that they’ll get a toy every year.   This rum is really good.

Christmas (or for my Jewish readers Hanukkah) gives people the feeling of renewal–the belief that mankind can be saved by a small child.   2009 may not have been a great year for many of us, but I hope that 2010 will find things much improved.   Your presence on this blog has been a great gift for me and if you might tell a friend or two about it, it would be even sweeter.  In the next week we’ll find out the nominees for this year’s Natie awards celebrating the best in blogging over the past year.  Remember the story of it’s a Wonderful Life and how much good one man can do if he’s willing to give up on world travel to get into banking and give mortgages to people that other banks believe are too risky.

[Tomorrow I'll interrupt my Taxi Driver marathon to extend my own Christmas wishes, but I thought I'd post this Christmas missive from friend of the blog Congressman Jack Kimble (R-CA)]

To all my constituents in the 54th District and throughout the country, I wish to extend my warmest Christmas wishes to you and yours. While some of you may not be Christians, I feel perfect comfortable wishing you a Merry Christmas because Jesus saved all mankind and not simply Christians.

To Jews who celebrate Hannukah on the 25th, I wish you a blessed day on the most sacred day on the Jewish calendar. I think the fact that both Christianity and Judaism celebrate the exact same day says a lot. It is important we respect all religions as Christianity is not the only path to the light of Jesus Christ.

I know how truly blessed I am to be able to be a congressman for the greatest district in the greatest country in the world. In the year ahead, we must all make an effort to stand up and be counted. It doesn’t matter if you have expensive clothes, or a fancy high school diploma, or even all your teeth. Until the Democrats in Congress and the White House hear from the everyday people in this country, they will continue to try and provide government health care and other services with our hard earned tax dollars. When the government gives it’s people the most basic necessities of life, it can also take them away. This is what socialism is all about.

Have a joyous holiday and a blessed 2010. I will continue to try and fight the good fight in Washington, but we definitely need the help of the people back home if we are to put this country back on the right path it was on under President Bush.

It’s been a very busy day for me today.   I took most of the afternoon and evening filling out Christmas cards to the friends and family who are so important to me.   Since as readers of my blog you are all part of my extended family, I thought I’d share this with you as well:

Dear Friend or Family Member,

This Christmas Card feels like it could be the last one I ever send.   Like gun ownership, private health care, and anything that gives me joy, it has a most tenuous existence under the reign of Barrack Obama.  I have to wonder, why does he hate the Baby Jesus so?   I promised Emily that I would not dwell on politics for the entire Christmas letter again this year, but I really fear for our country’s future.

Last year’s red eye and watery puss is thankfully gone.  Unfortunately, this Summer was the Summer of shingles.   It wasn’t as much a rash as a tingling sensation in my legs, but my glands were so swollen I looked like a puffer fish.   I recovered in time to receive an honorary associate’s degree from Sawyer Community College.  This Fall has been much better although I’ve been going through Imodium like candy, due to recurring diarrhea.  I hope that you all have been blessed with great health this year.

Emily finally lost 5 pounds.   She has such a pretty face and I think if she could drop another 15 and get down to 105 or so, she’d be much happier.   At 5’7″ she just shouldn’t be tipping the scales at 120.   She’s adjusting well to the 7th grade and has a crush on Tom Newman.   Since Tom’s family gets this letter, maybe this will bring the two of them together.   I bet if he talked to her about losing weight it would help.   Last year I mentioned that Emily was getting her period and I can confirm that she is definitely growing up.

This hasn’t been a great 2009, but I have huge plans for the future.  In the weeks and months I’ll be calling most of you to tell you all about a fantastic money making opportunity.  I am convinced that in the years to come, the smoothie and juice bar market will be booming.   As a friend of mine or family member, I am able to set you up with your own smoothie and juice bar franchise.   We can have you opened and operational just in time for the Summer.  I’ll tell you more when I call.

The storage business has been great, but I’ve had to hire more security.  The way we’ve thrived in this rough economy is by increasing the amount of stuff we’re selling from customers who fell behind on payments.   Unfortunately, we’ve had a problem with people showing up a few days late and trashing my office when they find out their stuff is gone.   I’m sorry, but 1st of the month is 1st of the month.  The worst is when they get angry about sentimental value.   If I can get $5 for a painting of your parents, hey I’ve got to make a buck too.

I am finally over Kimberly, but it is so hard just to meet a nice professional woman between 21 and 28.  I’d consider an older woman, but you know how woman my age let themselves go.  Its been 8 years since the divorce and I am still a bit bitter about it.  The details are available assuming you kept past Christmas letters, but the only decent thing to come out of my marriage is Emily.  She’s still a straight A student, but it’s time for her to quit experimenting with liberalism.  I blame her school for that the same way I blame her mom for the genes that make her bloat and retain water.

I’ve been trying to keep in touch with the extended family.   Aunt Patty and Walter are doing better since Patty broke her hip in May.   That’s tough for a woman her age and I hope they have some quality of life yet.  If I break a hip at that age, just shoot me (Patty and Walter, I’m sure you have a long and happy life ahead of you).   Larry Peele got out of prison in Summer and unfortunately, was back in by Fall.  I think he’s got a great case for entrapment.   Katie continues to drive the boys crazy, while getting straight A’s and captaining cheerleading.  I wish her and Emily were closer.  I think she could teach Emily a lot  about making  herself more presentable.  Steve and Janet moved out to Texas.   Steve is still a pest on my blog.   I guess in the Christmas spirit we can wish the Catholics a Merry Christmas too.   They’ll have plenty to explain in the afterlife as well Barrack Hussein Obama.

I had to fight with Kimberly over it, but I will have Emily for Christmas Eve.  Then it’s my annual Christmas Day Taxi Driver marathon.  I watched it 6 times last year, but that’s nothing like the 9 times I watched it the year that Kimberly left me.

I hope you and all your families have a Merry Christmas and a terrific 2010!!

Nate Peele

Finally, us Christians seem to be winning the War on Christmas.   There were two news stories that caught my eye this week and both spelled overwhelming victories for the forces of good and decency.   First, was Senator Orin Hatch.   Hatch who is a Christian (or at least a Mormon) has recorded a video for his song Eight Days of Hanukkah and it looks like a winner.

For years now, Jews have been encroaching on our Christmas music for years.   From Irving Berlin with White Christmas to Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond recording Christmas albums.  No wonder the holiday became so secularized.   Even Bob Dylan recorded a Christmas CD this year.   Let’s see how they like having their holiday music created by a Mormon.  Now please don’t write in accusing me of being anti-Semitic, nothing could be further from the truth.   Just as Christians were given Jesus to bring us all the gift of eternal life, Jews had their lamp oil last for 8 whole days.  That oil thing is pretty cool.

The other story I saw involved the fine folks at Boss Creations.Net who have invented the Christ-mas tree.  This particular Christmas tree is a combination between a traditional Christmas tree and a rugged wooden cross.   It isn’t only a great conversation piece, but also a reminder that no matter how festive your Christmas tree may be, it’s only a group of judgmental pharisees, some nails, and a hammer away from a crucifixion.  I always thought that in the rush to blame the Jews for crucifying Jesus, that the wood itself got off way too easy.  We’re so eager nowadays to embrace nature that we forget about some of the truly despicable things from the crucifixion through lynchings, that tress have been responsible for.  The War on Christmas is far from over, but for the first time in a long time, it looks like we’ve got the upper hand.   Christians 1, Trees 0.

With Christmas nearly approaching, I thought it was time to award some candy canes for those on Nate’s nice list and lumps of coals for those on Nate’s naughty list.

-A candy cane for President Bush for remembering the true meaning of the season by pardoning Isaac Toussie who was guilty of mortgage fraud. Is that even a crime anymore?

-A lump of coal for the UAW who this week added Toyota to the list of victims to their greed and excessive contracts this year.

-A candy cane to KBR for providing our troops with the things they need.

-A lump of coal to The Salvation Army. I still want my gold coins back.

-A candy cane for Saddleback Mountain Church founder Rick Warren for his love of gay people despite not wanting them to get married and for his extensive collection of original Broadway cast recordings.

-A lump of coal to the Global Warming alarmists. I’m freezing my butt off in Chicago and I can only assume its because we’ve cut carbon emissions too much.

-A candy cane for Martin Scorsese whose Taxi Driver is a Christmas tradition at my house.

-A lump of coal to Barrack Obama who announced he was going to use Abraham Lincoln’s Bible for his inauguration. OK, as a secret Muslim I know he doesn’t have his own, but couldn’t he pick a President who didn’t drive us into the only Civil War this country has had…yet?

-A candy cane to our non-terrorist Muslim readers. For those of you who renounce terrorism I wish to extend the olive branch by wishing you a very Merry Christmas.

-A candy cane to the readers of this blog. The boycotts, the political movement, and the return to Conservative values would not be possible without you all.

In all our trips to the ward, we never met Angela Lansbury like these lucky children

I have to admit that as we’re getting closer to Christmas, it is getting harder to find political things to right about and I find my thoughts turning back to the Christmases of my youth. The Christmases of my youth helped me to become the man that I am today and for that we can all be grateful. Many of our Christmas traditions were started by my father. I’ve written about him before, but John Peele was a great great man. You better believe it was “Merry Christmas Sir” with him. If you had wished him “Happy Holidays” he would have punched you in the mouth.

We grew up not far from a hospital with a huge children’s ward. Every Christmas some of these poor children would be stuck in the hospital over Christmas time while everybody else was celebrating the joy of the holiday season. My dad would give both my sister and me $20 each and we would go out to buy just that special Christmas present. Something that we really wanted for ourselves. Then we’d take that present home and we’d wrap it. Actually, to say we wrapped it is an understatement. We’d really go all out on the gift wrap and make these presents into works of art with ribbons, bows, and brightly colored paper.

My mom would bake a fresh batch of her famous Christmas cookies for the big day and my sister and I would head over Christmas Eve afternoon to the Children’s Ward. Sometimes we’d bring a friend with, but usually it was just us. We’d greet the children in the ward and we’d eat the cookies while the sick patients did tricks for us. If a trick was really good we’d give them a cookie too. If a kid couldn’t do a trick and they begged us hard enough we’d give them a nutball–I never cared for those much. Then we’d sit down with all the kids around us and we’d open our gifts. Even though we knew what we were getting ahead of time just seeing all those sick kids who were all jealous made it that much better. We’d play with our toys for awhile until my dad came back from the local tavern to pick us up.

Sometimes the kids would complain and the nurses would kick us out. My dad would come in and a lot of times he’d pretend to take another kid home by mistake as my sister and I would scream after him and one of the patients would be terrified wondering who this strange man was walking off with him. Those were simpler times then, but I’m glad that I got to spend my Christmases with those less fortunate than myself. Emily never wanted to do this and her mother absolutely forbid it. I also don’t know that a children’s hospital would put up with the stuff we pulled in today’s more cautious age.

I’m sorry I’m so late, but I have been filling out Christmas Cards all day.  I stopped off at the Kinkos to pick up more dust jackets and also get our family Christmas letter which I always send out to friends and relatives to let them know how things have been for the Peeles during the year.    Since it was done in Word, cutting and pasting is easy.

Dear Friend or Family Member:

This has been a trying year for myself and Emily, but I believe we will emerge even stronger for it.  Obviously, the worst part of the year was the election of Barack Hussein Obama as President.   I was watching the election night coverage and it actually induced a panic attack.  Fortunately, Emily found me the next morning and I was able to get medical attention.  I have resigned myself that I need to take things a bit easier in 2009.

In February, I had a serious case of red eye thanks to conjunctivitis.  It wasn’t really painful, but my eye was crusted over every night due to a pussy discharge while sleeping.   It was actually rather watery for puss so  I showed the discharge to several people who all had different opinions.  I finally took it to a specialist and they cured the problem right away.

Emily continues to struggle with her weight.  I’m happy to say that she’s still 125 pounds, but she really needs to lose 20 pounds before high school next year.  I tell her the boys aren’t going to suddenly pay attention to you when all the other girls are skinny.  I guess it shouldn’t be surprising when he mother won’t cook her a decent meal and she winds up eating fast food 4 or 5 nights a week.    While going through her purse in March I found out that Emily is becoming a woman.  I was wondering when that particular aunt would come to pay a visit.  She’s been experimenting with liberalism I’m afraid, but I think that’s just a stage.  When you do talk to her, please encourage Emily to lose weight, but don’t embarrass her or anything.

Business is going really well.  With the economy, a lot of people need temporary storage when they have to move.  At first, I was a bit worried because I got a lot of deadbeats early in the year, but when I started selling their stuff I realized in most cases I make more money by selling their things than I would have if they had paid me on time.  I have had a few problems with deadbeats coming around and looking for their stuff later, but the law is on my side.  One woman was furious when she found out I sold a painting of her parents that I guess had some sentimental value or something.  The funny thing was I think the guy that bought it just wanted the frame  Ha Ha.  If any of you are in need of storage I hope you’ll consider Peele Self-Storage for all your needs.

I am still looking for love.  It seems so hard just to meet a nice professional woman between 21 and 28.  I’d consider an older woman, but you know how woman my age let themselves go.  Its been 7 years since the divorce and I am still a bit bitter about it.  I mean she was the one who was unfaithful.  Check out page 4-7 of last year’s Christmas letter for the details.   The only good thing to come out of that marriage was Emily who got straight “A”s again this year, but unfortunately inherited her mother’s proclivity for water retention and bloating.

I got a book deal through Kinko’s.  Actually it was the manager who approached me about printing dust jackets there.  I have created a dust jacket for a book on the liberal conspiracy threatening our country.  Let me know if you’d like to purchase one.  I’m selling them for $8 a piece.

I’ve been trying to keep in touch with the extended family.   Aunt Patty and Walter seem to be doing well since moving to Florida, though I guess Walter choked on a meatball at dinner in October and a fireman at the next table over had to give him the Heimlich Maneuver after he was turning blue.  Sure enough the meatball flew right out onto his plate.  Thank goodness for good Samaritans.  Larry Peele should be out of prison in Summer.  I actually hate to call it a prison as it really is for white collar criminals. I feel sorry for Larry as he had know way to know that the restaurant was wired. Katie is getting straight A’s in 8th grade and is captain of the cheerleading squad.  The boys are always after her which is keeping my cousin Paul very busy.  She wants to pursue modeling too which I think she’d be a natural for.  I’m thinking that maybe she can help Emily make herself more presentable.  Steve keeps responding to my blog at www.thatsrightnate.com.  I know some of you have disowned my sister since she married him, but I guess in the Christmas spirit we can wish the Catholics a Merry Christmas too.   They’ll have plenty to explain in the afterlife.

Its time to wrap things up.  I have Emily for Christmas Eve this year which should be a lot of fun for both of us.  I’m trying to keep her from overindulging in too many sweets over the holidays.  Christmas day I will probably just do what I do every year and watch Taxi Driver on the DVD player.  My record is 9 times on the Christmas after Kimberly left me.  I love that movie.

I hope you and all your families have a Merry Christmas and a terrific 2009!!

Nate Peele

This week Australian astronomers claimed that the Christmas star appeared on June 17th not on December 25th.  I find this really convenient since in Australia June is in winter and December is in summer.  Now,  I suppose to some people the fact that Jesus was the son of God who died for all our sins is the important thing, but what makes Christmas holy for me are the many things about the holiday I take on faith about the holiday.

1. Christmas was on December 25th.

2. Even though it was winter time, shephards still were out in the fields with their sheep.

3. 2 out of the three wise men from the East were white.

4. Christmas trees are a Chrisitan symbol in no way related to paganism.

5. Like my own, Jesus’s mother was a virgin.

I take all of these issues on faith and that’s the way it should be.  I don’t want to see scientists trying to tear this stuff down because I know what’s true in my heart and that’s what really matters.  Science changes, but faith remains.  When science begins to go to war with my faith, I will always take my faith’s side.

This Christmas, Senate Majority leader Harry Reid is Scrooge.  Actually, that’s not fair.  Scrooge at least gave Bob Cratchett Christmas off.  Harry Reid is so distrustful of President Bush that he will be having a Senator stay behind to gavel the empty chamber to order and prevent The President from passing any recess appointments before he leaves office in January.  For shame Mister Reid.  The government must continue to run even while Barrack Obama sits around doing nothing productive.

In fact, George Bush has appointed over 30 people to positions since the election in November and these people will help to lead the Obama administration with their experience in Washington.  “Given the fact that the Senate was so intransigent on so many nominations, we certainly would have liked to have used the option of recess appointments,” Said Bush spokesperson Tony Fratto. “This process is broken, absolutely broken. The majority leader has taken it to the point of abuse.”

One move Bush is making that I’m particularly excited about is his appointment of many non-scientists to permanent federal jobs with responsibility for making or administering scientific policies.  I like that Bush isn’t afraid to shake up the liberal atheistic scientific community with people who haven’t been indoctrinated with scientific propaganda against a Christian belief system.  As Sarah Palin said on the campaign trail, “How do we know its global warming and not God just hugging us closer.”

Bush has also been working tirelessly behind the  scenes to ease up ridiculous safeguards on industry limiting the amount of pollution that’s acceptable in our drinking water and redefining pollution in general.  Bush has also appointed several industry lobbyists to watchdog positions knowing that the government will only benefit from the other point of view.

Mr. Fratto pointed out that Mr. Bush’s term is a full four years — not 3 years, 10 months and 4 days — and the president will not pull punches as he makes potentially still more appointments. “We actually do have not just the authority,” he said, “we have an obligation to do what we think is best for the country up until 11:59 a.m. on January 20.”  Perhaps, he can do something about some of those silly air quality safeguards as well in the next month and a half.