That’s Right Nate

I have to hand it to Sarah Palin.  Speaking to a crowd that organizers estimated at well over 250,000 in Arizona today, the former Alaskan governor dismissed Harry Reid like he was an Alaska State Trooper and she was still running the Kodiak State.  Palin, who is perhaps best known for firing herself last year to promote her book and her new Alaska reality show, let Harry Reid know in no uncertain terms, “You’re fired.”

Tensions between Republicans and Democrats have been strained since the 2008 election left no party with a mandate for their own agenda for the first time in 8 years, but as Palin assured the crowd, “what we have here is a difference of opinion, but that’s OK because that’s nothing that a good old fashioned election can’t fix.”

Like many Americans, I would love to see the American people given a chance to vote for Sarah Palin.  I don’t see anyway  that such a knowledgeable and charismatic leader could fail to sway the American people, but unfortunately with Obama as President we are left with only these infrequent speeches to rally us.

Although Palin headlined the event, Nevada Governor Jim Gibbons was equally eloquent in railing against the big spending Obama-Reid-Pelosi gravy train and in favor of the kind of family values economic conservatism that have been the hallmark of his time as Nevada Governor.

The optimism throughout the crowd of 500,000 was palpable and one speaker actually called it “a Woodstock you’ll remember”.   Perhaps, the keynote for the day came from Frank Helms of San Diego who said “”I don’t want anything bad to happen to Harry except for him to lose his job.  I don’t think he’s a bad man. He just ended up carrying Obama’s water and that’s gonna do him in.”

The amazing spirit of peace and harmony this afternoon was shared by many others.   Some people said they hoped Obama and Pelosi would die peacefully in their sleep while others simply wished for a long illness that incapacitate the Democrat leaders and forced them to resign.  To see a million people filled with patriotism and optimism is something that I never thought I’d see in my lifetime.

Seen here, addressing a Tea Party in Worcester, Brown is the kind of candidate Massachusettians are looking for.

The race for Ted Kennedy’s old Senate seat is a toss up and I can no longer sit on the sidelines and watch.   In an election this month, State Senator Scott Brown is running against Democratic shrew Martha Coakley and we wholeheartedly pledge our support to Scott Brown.  We have been avoiding endorsing candidates since our support for Mike Taylor and John McCain didn’t pan out so well.  However, Scott is the rare candidate who inspires us all to get involved.

Brown grew up in the mean streets of Massachusetts where his childhood was anything, but idyllic.   Brown said of his youth, “”I was a jerk. I had some issues… There was some violence in there.”  Brown soon graduated to theft where at age 12, he was arrested for shoplifting records and sentenced to write a 1,200 word letter.

It’s hard to hold these youthful indiscretions against the Senator who admitted that a lot of the problems were his parents’ fault saying that when he was a parent he wanted “to do everything that my parents did wrong right.”

Scott Brown is a good looking man, who had the guts to bare it all and pose nude for Cosmo with only his hand covering his genitals.  However, raising the morale of women in this country isn’t the only time he has come to his country’s aid.   Scott was one of only three Massachusetts State Representatives to hold the line on handouts when he voted against giving financial assistance to Red Cross  workers who had volunteered to work with 9/11 rescue operations believing that service is its own reward and helping with their medical bills would be a step down the slippery slide to socialism.

At a time when our economy is still reeling from the recession that began almost as soon as Obama announced he was running for President, Scott Brown is a true friend to Wall Street.  When Brown announced that he would oppose any financial responsibility tax on banks, Wall Street investors responded by donating very heavily for Scott.   When Wall Street is happy then America is happy.  Scott has always stood up to those claiming that climate change is man made or that gays should be allowed to get married.   These are view held by the silent majority of Massachusettians and by the United States as a whole.   Scott reminds me of a young George W. Bush.   He’s a uniter not a divider and he is exactly what we need in a Senator.

Rather than looking back on the year that was like every other unimaginative twit with a blog who can string together a series of sentences on a computer keyboard, I thought that I would celebrate the coming of 2010 with my list of New Year’s Resolutions.   2009 sucked.   Let’s just get that out there now.  It sucked and it sucked bad.   The economy was terrible, I failed to meet the 20-28 year old attractive conservative woman of my dreams yet again, and last week the Republic was taken over by a socialist congress.  We ended the year with a potential terrorist attack.   Could you imagine the uproar if somebody tried to blow up a plane with their underwear on Bush’s watch?  Part of me really wants to crack down on airport security.  Unfortunately, the strict Constitutionalist in me knows that the Constitution says nothing about airports.  With all that out of the way, here are my resolutions:

1. I will spell check all protest signs I make before tea parties
2. I will stop printing out Sarah Palin tweets and face book postings in a hopeless attempt to learn to find her hidden meanings.
3. I will stop lusting in my heart after anybody named Cheney.
4. After seeing what happened to Rush Limbaugh yesterday, I will lose a pound this year.
5. I will find at least one Obama proposal that I will abstain from criticizing.
6. I will update my Education Blog more often because education is too important to neglect.
7. I will quit calling 911 just because the operator has a sexy voice
8. I will spend at least one night as Karl Rove’s wingman now that he’s back on the market ladies
9. 4 words – C Street Jello Wrestling.   I’ve got to spend a weekend there.
10. I will refrain from using “I’m having an explosion in my underpants” as a pickup line on flight attendants.

Have a wonderful 2010!   I’ll be back tomorrow with my predictions.   People scoffed at me last year when I said Tiger Woods would be busted for a dozen affairs.  No telling what 2010 will bring.

In an effort to maintain dogmatic purity, GOP leaders have begun circulating a 10 point pledge for Republican candidates to show that they are sufficiently pure to be Republicans.   This pledge will be debated at the party’s January meeting in Honolulu.   I tried to contact friend of the blog Congressman Jack Kimble (R-CA) about the purity pledge, but I was unable to contact him.   In an effort to attract diversity, Republicans only have to agree to 8 of the 10 points.

10. We will pronounce nuclear as nuculer when discussing energy or foreign policy.

9.  Every week, we will attempt to see if I can spot any foreign countries from my back porch.  If I can, I will keep tabs on them.

8.  We will not giggle at important conservative phrases like “Tea Bag” and “Going Rogue”.

7. We will talk non-ironically about our God fearing conservative values established by people like Ayn Rand and Thomas Paine.

6. We will keep government out of health care except in cases like Terri Schiavo, we will keep government out of people’s personal lives unless they are gay, and we will follow the Constitution when it serves my party’s interests.

5. We will not bow to foreign heads of state and in fact shaking hands kind of makes us queasy.

4. We oppose using tax payer dollars to support abortion or unjust wars of aggression.

3. We oppose a government option for health care because a private company cannot possibly compete with a government program.

2. We support the expansion  charter schools because private companies can educate our children better than any public program.

1. We believe that every time Glenn Beck cries, an angel gets his wings.

A literary triumph  ****

I hate reading.   Books are an outdated art form that should have died off in the 1950s with the advent of television, but somehow they keep making them and saps keep buying them.   Going Rogue is an exception to this rule.   Her book, along with the Bible, are the only 2 books that one need ever own.   Sarah’s story is at once powerful and touching, revealing a strong mind and a dynamite sense of humor beneath her homespun charm.  I give this book a very solid 4 stars and urge everybody to not only buy this book, but keep an eye out for Sarah’s tour so that you can get it signed as well.   The crowds turning out so far have been truly impressive as well–very much like a Harry Potter release, but without all that black magic and devil worship.

I have not actually read this book, and attempts to coax my daughter to ghost read it for me fizzled when she balked at a $50 bribe.   However, as I look at reviews from other sources, I’m sure that this is an outstanding work.  Finally! we get to hear her own words, fully – unedited without the slanderous spin as only Lynn Vincent could tell it.   Vincent is an amazingly gifted writer, but the words and meaning are pure Palin.  It’s very difficult for me to talk about actual incidents in the book without actually reading it, but I am sure they are powerful and moving. I have read in other reviews that she agrees in the book with my contention that FDR’s liberal policies caused the Great Depression.

Liberals hate Sarah Palin because they know that she represents every woman and they know that they have nothing to counter her with.  Her long and distinguished career in public office from Wasilla Mayor to almost finishing a term as Governor of Alaska to almost becoming Vice-President is clearly showing that the glass ceilings feminists have been claiming for so long don’t really exist.   It seems a White House run is the next logical step for her career and as an American I for one can’t wait.

Wow! He’s not messing around.  That’s for sure.  I guess this primary is becoming a bit tougher.

[OK, I admit it, I stole it off of Congressman Kimble's blog.  Enjoy]

Do you know what your U.S. Representative does? If not, you’re not alone. Even though members of Congress play key roles in our government, they often are overlooked. They are democracy’s utility infielders.

What do members of Congress do? How do they spend their days? I think this is a very fascinating question.  I’d like to try and answer it for you.

6:00 a.m.

I am up very early in the morning.   My alarm is set for 5:00, but I hit snooze until 6:00.   While I’m still in my pajamas I pour myself a bowl of cereal.  I used to buy the small variety packs—you know the ones that have Cocoa Puffs, Lucky Charms, Rice Krispies, in tiny little boxes all wrapped up in cellophane.  The problem is those boxes don’t have prizes in them.   Now, I buy big boxes of cereal so I can still get something extra—that’s the Republican way.  If the cereal gets stale, I buy a new box.

I like to take my cereal to the living room and watch early morning television.  One of the local UHF station shows Mama’s Family and Gomer Pyle back to back.  I like to start my day off with a laugh.  After breakfast, I walk to the Capitol building.

8:00 a.m.

I have breakfast with a group of House Republicans and Joe Lieberman.   This is mostly an excuse for myself to gloat to Duncan Hunter about what a bust Roy Williams has been on his Fantasy Football team.   We try to explain football to Lieberman, but despite him saying “oh I get it” a lot, you know he doesn’t.

9:00 a.m.

My next stop is the House champer for a Republican conference meeting.  Here, I have a great chance to talk directly to Republican leaders, or I would if we had some.   I really look forward to this face to face time with my colleagues.   It’s so funny, Joe Lieberman always follows us in here and we have to remind him that he caucuses with the Democrats.  Then he acts like he was just kidding.

9:45 a.m.

I head over to my committee meetings.  I’m on the Agriculture, Budget, Industrialization, and Protocol committees as well as the Softball Team and Glee Club.  I’m told that committees do a lot of the important work in Congress, but they’re just so boring.   I usually pass notes with one of my colleagues.  Trent Franks is an amazing tic tac toe player and he can always beat me unless I can put a mark in the middle square first.  Whether you can get a nap here or not really depends on your committee leader.

11:00 am.

I’m on the phone with C-Span, letting them know that I’m available to do interviews on any topic.  They tell me they’ll get back to me, but they sound like they mean it this time.

11:30 a.m.

Unexpected events often happen.  That’s why it’s important to make yourself scarce in the middle of the day as much as possible.  If there are lunch plans, I’ll stick around.  It’s always more fun to go as a group.  If I’m on my own, I’ll usually go to Roy Rogers for the Double R Bar Burger.

1:00 p.m.

I get together with my staff and we watch Judge Mathis together.   My office never misses the Judge if we can help it.  I was so made that Obama overlooked him entirely for the Supreme Court.   My staff also is in charge of making sure I see only positive mail.   I’m currently working on a delicate international situation involving the Nigerian royal family that began with an email to my office.  I am hopefully that I will be able to help this prince regain his rightful throne.

2:00 p.m.

I’m off to the National Republican Congressional Committee meeting.  The NRCC works to get Republicans elected to Congress and we really hope we can turn things around.  Lately, it’s just been one big cry session.

5:00 p.m.

A special voting session of the House of Representatives begins, and I go to my seat in the House chamber. Bells go off in our offices–just like in school–and we have 15 minutes to go to the House to cast our votes,

Voting usually occurs on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and starts at about noon. But toward the end of a congressional session, voting can take place on any workday and can run late into the night, as the House rushes to complete work on legislation. This is great nap time.   Ipods are strongly discouraged here—I found out the hard way.   Speaker Pelosi will stare at you with her cold dead eyes if she thinks you’re screwing around.   Sometimes, I like to make fart noises and dare her to catch me.

9:00 p.m.

Joe Lieberman always wants us to go to a hot tub party after a vote, but he’s so wrinkled now. I always decline.   Instead, this is a good time to get together with colleagues at one of the local DC watering holes.   Paul Broun always winds up in tears, but today he’s upbeat.  He wants me to see if Debbie Wasserman Schultz likes him.  I ask him if he means likes him and he says “like him like him”.  I guess I’ll work on this tomorrow.

Moon Pie, Bobo, and Traffic Lady Doris made me feel right at home with the Morning Mayhem Crew.

[Not living in California, I miss out on a lot of Congressman Kimble (R-CA) news.   This past week, he guested on Bobo and Moon Pie's Morning Mayhem on K92 - The Big Stinking Pile of Rock.   He took calls from the audience and by all accounts had a great time.  I am reprinting this with Representative Kimble's Permission.]

Hi, one of the keys of my reelection campaign is getting my name out there.   Last week, I was on Bobo and Moon Pie’s Morning Mayhem radio show and I thought it went really well.   As a service to voters in my district, here’s a transcript:

Bobo: You know I’m not a big fan of politicians.

Traffic Lady Doris: Do you even vote?

Bobo: I vote on American Idol, that’s like the same thing.

TLD: :::Laughing:: Bobo, you’re insane.

Moonpie: What was your first clue Doris?  For me it’s that shirt :::laughing:::

Bobo: If I could please continue.   This next politician is our own Representative Jack Kimble and I think he’s doing a great job.  If you talk to him he’s one politician that actually makes sense.

MP: Then why’s he on with us? :::laughter::

TLD: Yeah, that’s a big mistake ::laughter::

Representative Kimble:  Hello, I’ve been listening to this show.  What is your intern’s name?

Bobo: Sir Fartsalot.

RK:  You guys are insane, but you’re having fun and that’s great to see.

MP:  It’s good to see you Congressman.   Now, why are you running for reelection?

RK: President Obama has 7 years left in his term.   I believe that this country can’t afford to have a business as usual representative that will work with him.  I believe we need a representative like myself that will automatically say no regardless of what he proposes.  I’ve been out there at tea bagging parties and I’ve seen the disillusionment of many in this district.

Bobo: He said teabagging :::laughter:::

MP: So are you ready to face our listeners congressman?

RJK: I’m looking forward to it.

Conserative Pat: Hey guys, The Morning Mayhem rocks!  This blows away the Morning Zoo, Morning Madhouse, and the Morning Crew.   :::Honk::  You are the best Congressman.   Anybody who stands up to Obama has my vote.   You know, I don’t think he was even born in this country.

Bobo: Dp you have a question for the Congressman Pat?

CP: Oh yeah, I was wondering if it’s difficult to balance being a congressman and a family man?

RJK: Well, I’ve known my wife since we were in high school.

TLD: Were you high school sweethearts?

RJK: Actually, we met on vacation.  She was from another state.

MP: You know I don’t think I’ve ever seen her.

RJK: She’s a very private person.   She supports me completely, but she doesn’t like to be filmed or photographed or appear in public, so I respect her privacy.

Bobo: OK, there’s nothing strange about that.   Carl you’re on the Morning Mayhem.

Carl: Thanks Bobo.   Congressman Kimble, I had a question about making a campaign donation.

RJK: You know we love to hear that.

Carl: Great.   When your mother was staying over last night, she left without taking the money I left for her on the nightstand.

RJK: That isn’t a problem.   We can even take paypal or credit card.

Carl: OK, but see your mother was staying over last night and see we were sleeping together and then I was giving her money for it and then oh never mind :::hang up:::

RJK: Thanks for calling.   Please don’t forget to donate.

Bobo: Pedro you’re on the Morning Mayhem.

Pedro: I’m a gay man.

TLD: So is my hairdresser.

MP: So is Bobo

Bobo: Hey now…Go ahead with you question Pedro.

Pedro:  I wanted to know what the congressman though about Representative Gohmert saying that homosexuality leads to necrophilia?

RJK: I wanted let that get to you.  That’s just how he talks.  The other day we were trying to decide where to go for lunch.   I wanted to go for Thai and he wanted Tex Mex.   He told me that eating Tex Mex would lead to necrophilia.   Cowboys losing to the Broncos–same thing. He really seems hung up on necrophilia for some reason.

Bobo: OK, there’s nothing weird about that.  Cindy, you’re on with Congressman Kimble.

Cindy: Hello Congressman.   You’ve got a very sexy voice.

RJK: Thank you Cindy.

Cindy: Congressman, I’m begging for some help here.  I’m a single mother.  I have 3 children.  I’m a freelance graphic artist.   I don’t get insurance from work and I can’t afford to buy it.  Why won’t you support health care reform so that my children can be covered?

RJK: Do you want health care to be like the DMV or the post office?  I don’t think…

Cindy: Congressman I have a driver’s license and I get mail.  I don’t have health care.

RJK: You’re a graphic artist right?

Cindy: Yes, I’m freelance though.

RJK: You know, I know of another free lance artist.  He was on a long train ride when he decided to draw a mouse.

Cindy: I’m not Walt Disney congressman.  I just need health care.

RJK: Well I’m sorry, but we’ll just have to disagree here.

MP: Why are you so opposed to government run health care.

RJK: I think a lot of us our.  I know of at least one congressman who believes that the government option will lead to necrophilia.

Bobo: Damn you Louis Gohmert.

MP: Let’s check in with Sir Fartsalot.   He’s getting waxed at the Giorgio La Puma Spa.

TLD: Oh I bet he’s going to be screaming.