That’s Right Nate

Saint Jing-Tao-Wow Day was indeed a great day for the Irish

What a great day I had this morning celebrating America’s newest holiday Saint Jing-Tao-Wow Day!  I hope you and yours had a joyous holiday as well.

9:00 Woke up and had 3 soft boiled eggs on white toast with orange juice for breakfast.  Went out in my pajamas to get the newspaper.

10:15 Arrived at work late and chewed out my employees for slacking.  Demanded that DuJuan an African-American employee play basketball against me at the local park.  I didn’t believe him when he told me he wasn’t very good.  We played for like 20 minutes of just awful basketball.  I let him know that I’d expect more from him next year.

11:30 Went to lunch.  I had a tuna melt and 3 martinis.  I had a lot of fun hitting on the waitress.

12:40  Arrived back at work and took a nap.  I told my employees that they were in charge and left promptly at 2PM

2:15  I listened to some light rock on the car radio as I drove around and watched other people celebrating the holiday.  I saw a white police officer had pulled over a black motorist and I honked at them both and gave them the thumbs up sign.

4:00 I arrived at my sister’s place.  It was a madhouse.  All the kids were running around acting super Catholic.  Somebody didn’t get the memo and decided a Saint must mean its yet another religious holiday.  I guess too many crazy kids running around and overly religious behavior is stereotypically Irish so maybe in their mixed up way, they celebrated the hobby.  Steve started prattling on about something or other with Easter so I was out of there by 4:30.

5:00 Dinner was tuna noodel caserole, but I used my mom’s recipe which has a special secret ingredient–you put crushed up potato chips on top and bake it with the chips right on there.  Of course when you eat alone you mostly just scrape off the top layer with the potato chips and put the rest into tupperware until you’re not really sure what it is anymore.

7:30  Cracked open a couple of microbrews and began to write this article.  I’m not really sure what this stuff is, but at $7 a bottle you know its good.

A famous Chinese philosopher once said, “Chee chung chee chung chee chung.  Cho Ching Chung Chee”.    An even more famous American philosopher by the name of Lou Dobbs said only Tuesday, “”And by the way, I’ve got to wish to you, each and every one, Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! I do that, and I have to be honest with you, despite my fervent anti-ethnic holiday position. That’s right! I’m against St. Patrick’s Day. I’m against St. Columbus Day. Saint Joseph’s Day. I’m against all of those things. Is there, by the way, is there a Jewish, a Jewish ethnic holiday? Is there one? No? Okay. The Jews have disappointed me. I mean, is there a St. Mauritius? No? A Belize? I don’t know. We gotta have — there’s gotta be something else going on here! How about an Asian ethnic holiday? Is there one? You know, a Saint-Jing- Tao- Wow? Chinese New Year? All right, we can do that … I mean, what is with all of these ethnic holidays? I mean how about an American Day? How about were all the same kind of day?”

I was thinking that the 4th of July kind of celebrated Americans as does Thanksgiving, but not really our sameness.    It occurred to me that what unites all of us as a country are ethnic stereotypes and the people who have propagated them out of fear that we would mess up the great little country they had here.  OK, The Indians may have been right, but otherwise from the 18th Century Germans in Pennsylvania to the Mexicans of today, this melting pot has always been just one more ingredient away from going bad so on March 31st let’s all celebrate the patron saint of ethnic and racial stereotyping Saint Jing-Tao-Wow.

Now, everybody can keep this day in their heart with their own traditions.  I think celebrating the efforts of people like Lou Dobbs to keep this country pure is a great start, but let’s not stop there.  Let’s really celebrate those stereotypes.   I plan on oppressing minorities and then dancing really poorly.  If you’re Irish why not polish off a case of beer or have unprotected sex.  Germans do something really efficiently and without humor.  African-Americans–geez, take your pick.  You guys are lucky you get so many.  You Swedes, uhm I’ll get back to you.

When you decide how you plan to celebrate Saint Jing-Tao-Wow day proudly post it in the comments section.  If you have your own blog and want to advance this holiday then post and we’ll give you some linky love.  Remember, we’re doing this for Lou Dobbs.   Let’s go out there and celebrate our stereotypes March 31st.  Spread the word.

UPDATE: Check out the Saint Jing-Tao-Wow Day Video